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Wellness in the Headlines
(Don's Report to the World)
Yes, Size Matters But Not In The Way You Might Think
Researchers at King's College in London found that people who exercise have longer telomeres, a marker for biological age. Telomeres are essential functional elements of eukaryotic chromosomes involved in genome stability maintenance. They are found at the end of a linear chromosome. They tend to shorten over time. The length of telomeres is the same in youth for those who do and those who do not exercise; however, by the middle years, only fit people, those who have exercised regularly, have long telomeres consistent with lengths noted in the young. Thus, the study indicates regular exercise and attendant high fitness levels later in life slow the aging process.
The King's College researchers emphasized that the relationship between telomere length and physical activity levels remained significant even after adjustments were made for such variables as body mass index, smoking, socioeconomic status and physical activity at work.
Amby Burfoot, writing for Peak Performance (A Telling Tale of Telomeres, Exercise, Health, and Aging, February 15, 2010), quotes University of Colorado runner, coach and telomere expert Tom LaRocca on the significance of these studies: "Telomeres are structures at the ends of human chromosomes that protect DNA from damage. To help you visualize them, they are often compared to the little plastic tips at the ends of shoelaces. As cells age and replicate, their telomeres shorten. When telomeres become critically short, cells stop functioning properly. So, the general idea is that telomeres may be a 'biological clock' that reflects your physiological age/health more accurately than your chronological age. In other words, the longer the telomeres, the healthier the cells. Hence, all the 'buzz' (including a recent Nobel Prize) over telomeres."
I have an idea for linking these findings with wellness programs for the purpose of motivating males who need to exercise more. It involves appealing to their vanity, and even exploiting one of the foolish characteristics of the male psyche for this noble purpose.
This is not to imply that ends justify means, but it kind of helps a bit in this instance. The idea is simple but quite possibly ingenious, if I say so myself: Design ways to get guys to jettison their jejune fixation on penis size in favor of pride in the length of their telomeres. Naturally, this is not the greatest reason to exercise but, hey, if it gets some doing the right thing for the wrong reasons, it's still positive.
A telomere-focused penlle-replacement virility symbol of male self-concept could be employed as an appealing fitness and motivational strategy—for guys. The President's Council on Physical Fitness and Sports (PCPF&S) could become the certifying national focal point for the program. The Council could monitor testing at approved sites across the land and make test scores official, with suitable recognition awards. Approved sites might include fitness centers, country clubs, massage parlors, medical clinics, drug stores and so on.
Just as cats can be skinned in varied ways (does anyone do that anymore?), so, too, can
telomere ends be measured. Various approaches are used for this purpose. One of the latest techniques is called flow cytometry. This method uses fluorescence in situ hybridization (flow FISH) with labeled peptide nucleic acid (PNA) probes. (No, I have no idea what this means, either.) But I do know that flow cytometry measures the average length of telomere repeats at chromosome ends in individual cells—and that's what's crucial to my plan.
If this information is marketed properly by wellness promoters and other fitness experts, guys will be motivated to have their telomere lengths certified. Unfortunately, telomere lengths are not a visible component of the impressive nature of any guy's studly assets, so something else, a badge or article of clothing, should be considered.
Maybe doctors or lab personnel could be authorized to issue beanie caps or official telomere running shorts that would be color-coded by telomere length. The PCPF&S already has a product line companies can purchase to reward good behavior, that is, employee exercise at worthy levels. The PCPF&S motivational products include varied physical fitness awards, apparel, magnets, bumper stickers, pedometers and teaching aids.
With my plan, I believe middle age and older guys can be inspired by wellness promoters and others to exercise more in order to show selected others that their telomere ends measure up to the highest standards—and everyone will know what that means.
Is this a good idea or what? Be well and try to look on the bright side of life.
Domain: purposeSubdomain: humor
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