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Wellness in the Headlines
(Don's Report to the World)
I'm Basically Rude, Selfish, Shallow, Insincere and Resentful - That's Why I'm So Often Gracious, Generous, Grateful, Sincere And Forgiving
Studies show that nice people are happier than meanies. Who would expect otherwise? Do we need studies for insights like this? Well, yes in a way because when we function as we often do on automatic pilot, we sometimes are less pleasant (gracious, grateful, etc.) than anyone might expect, given our true, loving natures.
I have an insight about this. My insight leads to a suggestion that can add a little happiness to everyday life. The insight involves choosing to reprogram unconscious responses to all manner of situations in order to become more gracious, generous, deep, grateful and forgiving—and thus happier.Â
But first, I want to address happiness and REAL wellness in a larger context—religion. Religion, or rather some of those who act in the name of one or more religions, represents a force that sometimes makes it difficult to be gracious, grateful, generous, sincere and forgiving.
REAL wellness, as you know, is not a religion. However, I think the world would be much pleasanter, safer and less destructive if it were a religion! This would definitely be the case if REAL wellness appealed to Taliban Islamists, Right-Wing Christian fundamentalists and Orthodox Jewish settlers in Israel. Imagine no religion, no heaven, no hell—and no concepts like the "Rapture" (apocalypse, actually), that terrible (for us) wonderful (for them) day when non-believers are suddenly smitten, tormented and condemned for eternity while the fundy faithful ascend, blissfully, to Valhalla! Or, imagine the eternal sex party in the afterlife where all the guys (presumably all heterosexual) get to enjoy 72 hot virgins. (The latter are made available to any moron who exploded himself and as many infidels as possible in order to glorify Mohammed, Praise Be Upon Him. Yeah, right.
Yes, considering the dark side of religion, a substitute theology of REAL wellness that eliminated religious insanities would seem like "a blessing." What a deal—instead of perilous orthodoxy, substitute a quality of life orientation marked by reason, exuberance and liberty.
Alas, there is not much appeal in a philosophy that embraces critical thinking, common decencies, global awareness and personal quests for meaning and purpose to those besotted with dogmatic, fascist and extremist mindsets. For such people, only religion offers irresistible appeal and direction.
There is one other quality of wellness that seems wholly uninteresting to the religious fanatic—happiness, at least of the Earthly kind. Happiness is something the true believer might enjoy in the next life, provided he "survives" (i.e., is found "not guilty") a post-death trial that assesses "sins." If there are enough sins, well, that could result in everlasting torment). Religion, it seems to me, must be very hard on the mental health of believers.
If you are not a Taliban or other religious extremist and if you DO care about happiness in this life, I have a suggestion for gaining more happiness. Practice these five traits. I know it's not easy to be gracious, grateful, generous, sincere and forgiving all the time. Just being that way more often, however, can make a big difference in your level of daily happiness. If you're anything at all like me, namely, rude, selfish, shallow, insincere and resentful, it's hard to be gracious, grateful, generous, sincere and forgiving—anytime! Work at it. Practice.
Of course, you would never know I'm not perfect. Everyone finds me charming. I've practiced. I've been to charm school. And I'm always trying to get better. I work at it because I'm selfish—it's good for me to be a charmer. I'm happier that way. Anyone would be.
Actually, I don't know for sure if I'm basically rude or gracious, selfish or generous, shallow or deep, insincere or sincere, resentful or forgiving. But, I'm taking no chances—I'm at work practicing the virtues daily. My motives are definitely selfish—life is better for me this way. I'm happier being nice than being mean. So, why be mean? Try it—practice kindness—including all the five positive traits emphasized here—for happiness if not for God's sake.
Look for opportunities to be gracious and grateful. These two are not the same. They sound similar but are separate ideas. Look them up. One is a matter of style and behavior; the other attitude. Both are worthy, happiness-building traits. The more often you practice, the better you will become at each. The enhanced skill you will develop at being gracious and grateful will make you appear more likeable, endearing and enjoyable to be around. Who does not want to be more popular? Thus, you will derive a bit of increased happiness from the warm vibes these traits, plus those of generosity, sincerity and forgiveness will attract from others.
As with any fitness routine, you have to exercise these traits on a regular basis to get good at them. In getting started, pick a number of times during the day that you will engage in some form of behavior that seems consistent with being gracious, grateful, generous, sincere and forgiving. Keep a diary. By day's end, check your scorecard. Note how easy or difficult it was to be this way. Remember to treat yourself in this manner, as well. Really—ponder aspects of your own good fortune. This exercise is a happiness booster.Â
Forgiveness is another attitude that can boost your happiness quotient. Some studies suggest that nursing grievances, grudges or get-even fantasies adversely affects both physical AND mental health. That can't be good for your happiness.
Think of some worthless piece of doo-doo you can forgive—and do it. Of course, no need to tell the low-down varmint you did so—this is about YOUR happiness, not his. Besides, what sweeter revenge is there than an outcome where you are happy and he has to struggle with his shame and guilt? Ooops, I'm violating my own advice with this revenge talk. Please disregard this last out-of-character aside.
Maybe I should look more on the bright side. If this insight takes off and there develops a positive pandemic of human behavior that is gracious, grateful, generous, sincere and forgiving, maybe the Taliban, Orthodox settlers and wild-eyes Christian zealots for Rapturing will come around to REAL wellness and put aside the bombs, attitudes, brimstone and Doom talk in favor of REAL wellness.
A pleasant thought. Be well and have a gracious, grateful, generous, sincere and forgiving day.
Domain: mentalSubdomain: emotional intelligence
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