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by Donald B. Ardell, Ph. D.
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Wellness in the Headlines
(Don's Report to the World)

Grandparents As Wellness Promoters: What If The Parents Don't Share The Grandparents' Worldview?

Monday June 18, 2007

In an earlier essay about how grandparents might want to give their children's children something truly special, namely, the gift of reason, I outlined a role of grandpa and grandma as promoters of reason, science, naturism and critical thinking. All of this led one reader to ask, "What if the parents don't share the grandparents' worldview?

Paradoxically, the less the parents appreciate the kind of role described, the more it is probably needed. That is, if the parents are Christian evangelical fundamentalists who believe in the literal truth of the bible and pray fervently for nuclear Armageddon to usher in The Rapture, well, secular grandparents could offer an invaluable counter perspective. The potential for occasional "second opinions" for grandchildren subjected to such unfortunate and, in my view, demented parenting could prove invaluable, if artfully provided, over time.

The first challenge grandparents might want to undertake given a clashing worldview with their grandchildren's parents is to assess the specific consequences of these differences. Maybe the nature of the gulf between parents and grandparents it is not so dire, as in the example sketched. The extreme example offered would likely bring severe limitations on the grandparent's role. More commonly, the only ramification of non-compatible worldviews might be not much more than polite requests by the parents that grandma/grandpa not mention or dwell upon their non-belief to the children. They might even ask that the children's beloved but irreverent grandparents refrain from uttering unflattering remarks about the pope's pointy hat or the Church's tendency to create saints on evidence of miracle-doing a bit shy of scientific standards of verifiability -- that sort of thing.

Basically, there are vast gaps in the degrees of possible worldview conflicts, with maximum flexibility allowed at one end of the continuum, very little to none at the other. These differences offer varying leeway for grandparents and parents to set boundaries. These boundary discussions can be managed in ways that respect different mindsets. Even god-smitten parents are likely to welcome the traditional loving and supportive role of grandparents, and most will not object to subtle, low-key efforts to inculcate an appreciation for education, learning, science, nature, critical thinking and the like.

Depending upon the gulf in worldviews, and the resulting restrictions discussed and agreed upon, the grandparents can pursue a grand or limited role or, in a worst-case scenario, reconcile themselves to no role. Other things being the same, for better or worse, the minor children will be under the care and management (physical and mental) of the parents. The grandparents should accept this. If the parents want the kids to be raised as Rastafarians, Scientologists, Roman Catholics or whatever, that's their prerogative in this country. My advice to grandparents, again under only such a "worst case" scenario, is to butt out and move on to greener, more productive pastures. One option might be to volunteer as mentors or godless "godparents" for someone else's kids.

What do YOU think about these issues? As always, comments pro and con on anything are always welcomed and appreciated. All the best. Look on the bright side.

Domain: purpose
Subdomain: relationships

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