don's report archive

by Donald B. Ardell, Ph. D.

Wellness in the Headlines
(Don's Report to the World)

"If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster." 
~Isaac Asimov

"Life was not a valuable gift, but death was. Life was a fever-dream made up of joys embittered by sorrows, pleasure poisoned by pain; a dream that was a nightmare-confusion of spasmodic and fleeting delights, ecstasies, exultations, happinesses, interspersed with long-drawn miseries, griefs, perils, horrors, disappointments, defeats, humiliations, and despairs -- the heaviest curse devisable by divine ingenuity; but death was sweet, death was gentle, death was kind; death healed the bruised spirit and the broken heart, and gave them rest and forgetfulness; death was man's best friend; when man could endure life no longer, death came and set him free."
~Mark Twain - Letters from the Earth

Today is a special day, as is everyday, of course, but it could be said that today is a little MORE special for:

• Desi Arnaz, 1917 
• Karen Carpenter, 1950 
• Jon Bon Jovi, 1962
• Mikhail Gorbachev, 1931
• John Irving, 1942
• Eddie Money, 1949
• Loraine Newman, 1952
• Dr. Seuss, 1904

Today, March 2 is the birthday of all these people, though some of them are too dead to enjoy it.  Tomorrow is special for:

• Jean Harlow, 1911
• Alexander Graham Bell, 1847

Alas, they won't be blowing out any candles, either. Still, I'm sure this day was special for them when they were alive. As far as I know, nobody of any consequence was born on March 4, the last day when this essay will run. (I'm kidding, of course. Everyone is "of consequence," in fact, too much attention is given to celebrities of dubious "consequences," in my opinion. I could give examples but enough has already been written about Anna Nicole Smith.)

As the years go by, each birthday calls attention, in subtle ways, not just to the heralded arrival date but of the inevitable if unscheduled departure date. At present, we don't have a consensus name for the latter. I'm not familiar with the lyrics to "Happy Deathday." Are you? Yet, is it such a good thing to act as if it's not out there? Is it not a bit wimpy to feign nonchalance while whistling softly and stepping briskly past the graveyard? As Hillary might say, shouldn't we "let the conversation begin" about the other end of birthday festivities?

I thought about this the other day when the people who loved and cared for the champion racehorse "Barbaro" had him euthanized. The magnificent creature was put to death, after months of heroic efforts to restore him to good health, because his handlers did not want him to endure continued suffering and a severely compromised quality of life. No faith group took to the streets to protest. They must believe God finds it acceptable and proper for humans to linger in pain with non-existent life quality, but approves of "mercy killing" for horses, as well as cats and dogs and other non-humans. It's not easy being human, especially when our deathdays near.

So, a practical meaning-of-life-type of question might be, "Is the broad issue of dying a wellness challenge, particularly regarding the when and how aspects of it? If so, how best might it be addressed, and by whom and when? These are complex matters, but a start might be to work the topic into birthday celebrations. How? I have no idea. I certainly don't want people dressing up in Grim Reaper costumes at MY birthday bashes. 

Still, a wellness lifestyle, a pattern of living that invites examined and conscious choices for a life graced with meaning, service, satisfaction and achievement might well include some attention to the nature if not the precise timing of one's departure. What do you think?

The alternative is to delegate responsibility for managing death to medical agents, relatives and, worst of all, clergy and/or the state.

At present, the last six months of existence (what Arthur Caplan calls "the edges of life") consume one-third of the U.S. Medicare budget. The existence of technologies not long ago unimagined, the urgent need for medical cost control, and unresolved ethical debates, make personal consideration of the wellness way to die timely and vital. This is certainly true for those who wish to control their own destiny and go out with dignity, like Barbero. (Who would have thought it would come to this: A wellness promoter aspiring to go out in a manner fit for a horse.)

I'm often asked, "What do you think about Kevorkian?" I consider him a hero. Not good at marketing or PR, not particularly charming or tactful, yet he brought the right to die in a manner of one's choosing and other right to die issues into the open. Though widely reviled, he stood for important personal freedom principles. I consider him a fine man, very badly treated by society, who will be honored after he is gone a great deal more than he is in life, unfortunately. The controversies he ignited are still unresolved, legally and otherwise. A key challenge everyone will face is what to do about end of life choices as the final birthday draws near. The initial challenge is to stop putting it out of mind or, in Saroyan's case, denial: "I know death is inevitable, but I was hoping an exception could be made in my case."

When Barbaro was euthanized, he was surrounded and supported by those who loved him. That certainly is a good thing. I would like that, to some extent, as long as everyone were cheerful and willing to exaggerate regarding  what a fine fellow I have been. It might also be nice if a few dancing girls and/or comedians were there, as well, depending on my mood at the time. If we last long enough, we're all going to need help to extinguish all those candles on deathday cakes.

In the spirit of Saroyan, I'd also be open to a visit from the Devil or other supernatural agent I don't believe in, showing up at the last minute with a Faustian-like bargain too good to refuse: My "soul" in return for a few more birthdays and other perks in this life! Hey, at that point, as the song goes, what have I got to lose?

What are your thoughts about a healthy approach to birthdays, dying and other musings along these lines? I'd love to hear from you -- any day, including this one.

Be well. Look on the bright side.

(Note: An earlier essay related to this theme appeared on Wednesday, July 18, 2001. It was entitled, "A Wellness Perspective on Living and Dying.")

(Note: This essay will be filed in the archives in the PHYSICAL DOMAIN under the skill area of adaptations and challenges. Additional articles related to this theme may be found there.)

(Ed. Note: Views expressed in this and other columns are those of the author and not necessarily those of the SeekWellness Editorial Board.)

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