don's report archive

by Donald B. Ardell, Ph. D.

Wellness in the Headlines
(Don's Report to the World)

Everybody succeeds and fails, regularly. Many of our failures in life are not such a big deal, and some seen as big deals turn out not to have been so momentous, after all. The same is true for our successes. Often, both lead to new directions, insights and opportunities.

Let's focus on failure for a while. Some people, perhaps most, fail grievously, and do so often and consistently. Failures can be catastrophic, unrecoverable and disabling. For many in the throes of failure, things are never good again, and life spirals downward into the abyss. Napoleon Hill wrote, "Life's greatest tragedy consists of men and women who earnestly try and fail! The tragedy lies in the overwhelmingly large majority of people who fail, as compared to the few who succeed. I have had the privilege of analyzing several thousand men and women, 98% of whom were classed as 'failures.' There is something radically wrong with a civilization, and a system of education, which permits 98% of the people to go through life as failures." (Think and Grow Rich! The Original Version, Restored and Revised, Ross Cornwell, 2004)

If Hill's assessment is more or less accurate, and semantics plays a big role in this assessment, then surely there is something radically wrong with our education system, if not our civilization. If we set high standards for such an assessment, then Hill is probably right. That is, if we take account of the awesome knowledge and tools at our disposal today relative to what existed throughout human history, our own time should be a utopian millennium, considering the criterion of our potentials. Instead, look what we have: wars, famines, environmental degradation, ignorance and superstition on massive scales and more perturbations of all kinds. Maybe Hill was an optimist!

But, let's get personal. Where would you put yourself on an imaginary continuum between success and failure?

Success ________________________x________________________Failure

No matter where you placed the mark today, know that it can change tomorrow -- or next year, especially if your notions of success or failure change.

A sense of personal success, at some level, seems a requisite for aging under the influence (AUI) of a wellness lifestyle. That is, IF aging is to encompasses human happiness, morality and a meaningful, good life. A mindset that elevates science and reason, a conscious appreciation of ethics, art, beauty and conscience seems to me a vital element of a worthy standard of success, one that is at least as consequential as material comforts and acquisitions.

Charles Dickens, in his 1849 autobiographical classic, David Copperfield, offered this immortal line on success or failure (first sentence of the book): "Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show."

You write the pages of your failures and successes daily, not only in what you do (or fail to do) but in how you respond to events and circumstances. Here are a few tips for boosting chances of making the most of your successes and the least of your failures.

• You are not a failure if you don't feel like or consider yourself one. Be kind -- give yourself a boost, a vote of confidence. Be generous and kind-hearted toward your own contributions. After all, if YOUR grandfather had been a US Senator and your dad president and you grew up amidst privilege, you probably could have been president, too. If so, it's likely you would have been a greater success than "the Decider," whose failure Ann Richard's once explained as: "Poor George. He can't help it -- he was born with a silver foot in his mouth."
  
  
• Always be mindful of the fact that life is intrinsically unfair and unjust, that there is no escape from pains and sorrows, gloom and doom, that you face life alone and change alters everything -- and then you die. This will ensure that every failure (and success) remains in perspective.
  
  
• You are responsible. Don't waste time and energy on excuses, blaming or explaining.
  
  
• Live honestly, with integrity and, as the Buddha is credited with teaching, by "immersing yourself in the river of life."
  
  
• Aging is a test of how well you can adjust to change processes of personal evolution over time. Growing older is a test for all social classes, all races and all people.

What, then, are realistic, objective measures of success and failure? Such measures will always be somewhat subjective and personal, but not entirely. After all, most of us don't want Ted Bundy, OJ Simpson, Tom DeLay or countless other infamous characters widely viewed as successful, no matter how they choose (and manage) to think of themselves. This matter of objective success measures deserves more attention than I can give it here, or elsewhere, but we do need some consensus. How can we better understand those who contribute value to society, however unheralded? Who amongst us helps others improve, move in a direction of positive social and other advances consistent with common decencies?

Also, it might be nice if society could offer more compassionate and effective supports to people who are failing. While I would not want to inhibit individualism and freedom, it would be consistent with AUI if more ways could be found to help greater numbers of people everywhere to succeed in free and open societies.

In summary, it seems an AUI of a wellness lifestyle outlook entails a view that success is relative. We can set modest standards and then try to realize and perhaps exceed them. Doing so might help us feel successful, for a while. Ultimately, we're all the same - dead.

So, look on the bright side, while you can. Make a lot of most days, build up your muscle mass with exercise and select a sensible diet. Seek peace and harmony. Give something back and, if it's not too much of a bother -- try to be of some service. Find ways to participate in one or more communities where you feel supported, appreciated and valued. Learn and practice self-management skills. Do half of these things and you should be a success. Do most of them and consider a run for higher office -- we need you, desperately.

(Note: This essay will be filed in the archives in the MENTAL DOMAIN under the skill area of emotional intelligence. Additional articles related to this theme may be found there.)

(Ed. Note: Views expressed in this and other columns are those of the author and not necessarily those of the SeekWellness Editorial Board.)

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