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by Donald B. Ardell, Ph. D.
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Wellness in the Headlines
(Don's Report to the World)

An Icantdoit Wellness Perspective on Failure and Success

Monday October 23, 2006

"I was at this restaurant. The sign said "Breakfast Anytime." So I ordered French Toast in the Renaissance."
Stephen Wright

Everybody fails, now and then. Many of our failures in life are not such a big deal, and some that are seen as big deals turn out not to have been. Often, failures lead to new directions, insights and opportunities. However, some people, perhaps most, fail grievously, and do so often and consistently. Failures can be catastrophic, unrecoverable and disabling. For many in the throes of failure, things are never good again, and life spirals downward into the abyss. Napoleon Hill wrote, "Life's greatest tragedy consists of men and women who earnestly try, and fail! The tragedy lies in the overwhelmingly large majority of people who fail, as compared to the few who succeed. I have had the privilege of analyzing several thousand men and women, 98% of whom were classed as 'failures.' There is something radically wrong with a civilization, and a system of education, which permits 98% of the people to go through life as failures."

What are you on an imaginary continuum between success and failure?

(+10) Success__________x__________Failure (-10)

No matter where you placed a mark today, it could change tomorrow or next year, especially if your notions of success or failure changed.

Charles Dickens, in his 1849 classic autobiographical classic, David Copperfield, offered this immortal line on success or failure (first sentence of the book): "Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show."

You write the pages of your failures and successes daily, not only in what you do (or fail to do) but in how you respond to events and circumstances. Here are a few icantdoit tips for boosting chances of making the most of the successes and the least of the failures.

Always be mindful of the fact that life is intrinsically unfair and unjust, that there is no escape from pains and sorrows, gloom and doom, that you face life alone and change alters everything -- and then you die. This will ensure that every failure (and success) remains in perspective.
You are responsible. Don't waste time and energy on excuses, blaming or explaining.
Live honestly, with integrity and, as the Buddha is credited with teaching, by "immersing yourself in the river of life."
Aging is a test of how well you can adjust to change processes of personal evolution over time. Growing older is a test for all social classes, all races, all people. It is a success or failure struggle.

An icantdoit outlook entails a view that success is relative. Set modest standards and try to exceed them -- that will help you feel successful, for a while. Ultimately, we're all the same - dead. But, look on the bright side while you can. Make a lot of most days, build up your muscle mass with exercise and select a sensible diet. Seek a sensible level of peace and harmony. Give something back, if it's not too much of a bother -- try to be of some service to others. Find ways to participate in one or more communities where you feel supported, appreciated and valued. Learn and practice self-management skills.

Finally, one tip bears repeating -- work on perspective. Consider this. Neither life nor nature is benign or evil. We can choose an outlook that is rosy, cheerful and almost reverent with awe at the beauty and grandeur of it all. We can wax eloquent about the fabulous fields of grain, trees laden with fruits and seas with a superabundance of nourishing goodies. We can do all this and more, but it's still a good idea, from the beginning to the end of our days, to remember that everything out there is eating something, usually smaller, slower or less fearsome than itself. Sooner or later, Bambi gets eaten (fails).

I hope this is a comfort. As Stephen Wright observed, "I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering."

Be well. Look on the bright side.

Domain: mental
Subdomain: adaptations and challenges

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