Don's report archive
Wellness in the Headlines
(Don's Report to the World)
Fame Would Surely Become Me: Why and How I Plan To Become A Celebrity
Americans are fascinated with, enchanted by, and suckers for celebrities. We love to read about their foibles; even infamous celebrities (OJ Simpson, Pat Robertson, Mel Gibson, George W. Bush, for example) are objects of public fascination. In my opinion, most celebrities are over-rated, over-attended and over-fed. They are also over-paid, which makes me think it might be pretty cool to become one.
There are a few people, by the way, who deserve their celebrity-hood -- Lance Armstrong, Garrison Keillor, Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert come to mind. There are many more in the worthiness category. We all have our favorites for "earned celebrity-hood." (Yes, I know, the fact that three of my four celebrity nominees are comedians or at least entertainers must say something about me. Well, I suppose that's also true, for better or worse, of every essay!) Yet another of my favorite celebrities is Martin Short, also a comic.
Martin Short is currently starring in a play in New York about celebrities, namely, "Fame Becomes Me." He recently discussed the show, and the power and appeal of celebrity status, in an interview with USA TODAY: "I am making fun of myself. I'm saying, 'I'll give you all the angst and horrors of my life - to the point that I can get a spot on Oprah, or the cover of Vanity Fair.'" (Elysa Gardner, "Fame Becomes Martin Short," USA TODAY, August 18, 2006, 11D.)
There you go. Angst and horror are elements of and a small price to pay for the glories and rewards of celebrity status. Get a spot on Oprah, or the cover of Vanity Fair, and presto -- you're a celebrity, or at least on your way! The play "Fame Becomes Me" opens with Short employing a bit of "creative license" about his childhood, spinning a tale of a personal journey "marked by pain and hard-earned lessons. It includes vivid imagery, such as how his young life was "wrapped in a ludicrously dysfunctional family who later succumbed to the dark allure of drugs and reckless living." It's untrue, but that's show business. He explains that such a gripping tale helps land that spot on Oprah. The multitudes simply thrive on themes of humiliation and redemption.
Well then, with that background in mind, let's get to the personal bottom line here: Can a wellness promoter raised in ordinary circumstances who publishes newsletters, gives speeches, writes books and maintains a wellness website become a celebrity? Assume, for the sake of argument, that his newsletters, speeches, books and website are not boring, simple-minded, jejune or lame. Better yet, assume that his newsletters, speeches, books and website are awesome, brilliant, controversial, huge, ground-breaking, virtuous and true! Will this put him over the top, sooner or later? Is he fated to become a celebrity -- headed for Oprah, Vanity Fair and other glories attendant upon celebrity-hood?
I fear not, that is, I fear it won't. At least not without some added tweaking of the persona, if not the resume. I need something else, perhaps an inventive tale about my ludicrously angst-ridden, horribly dysfunctional childhood.
Or, perhaps a gimmick or two, plus a lucky break, a hint of a scandal (but just the right kind--nothing too weird) or, if possible, some modest accomplishments. While the latter are important, it's clear from a look at current celebrities that such is not essential, either.
So, here's my plan. I'm going to produce a newsletter with wellness tips that will appeal to everybody. Not just wellness enthusiasts or the wellest of the well, but smokers, drinkers, couch potatoes, Republicans, religious people, young and old people and everyone else. Even current celebrities, like OJ, Pat, Mel and George.
In the coming week, I will release the newsletter with wellness tips. It will be the 73rd edition of the Ardell Wellness Report. The theme is "Aging Under The Influence" - of a wellness lifestyle.Â
Who will find THAT of interest? Everybody, because everyone is getting older. The tips will show the way to aging healthfully and happily. I have 68 such tips and will include as many of the 68 that will fit in this newsletter. If you want a copy, ask - a PDF version will be made available at no cost to anyone on earth. This is going to be big. I hope.
If anyone has Oprah's phone number or a contact for Vanity Fair editors, please be in touch.
As soon as fame becomes me, I'll offer signed autographs, publicity photos and memberships in a fan club. But, I will remain a kind and loving person, accessible and considerate. The only change I anticipate is that my fee for lectures is going to go way up. Yeah, baby.
Thank you, be well and look on the bright side.
Domain: physicalSubdomain: appearance and aging
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