don's report archive

by Donald B. Ardell, Ph. D.

Wellness in the Headlines
(Don's Report to the World)

"To give away money is an easy matter and in any man's power. But to decide to whom to give it, and how large, and when, and for what purpose and how, is neither in every man's power nor an easy matter." ~Aristotle

If a friend, relative or business associate asks you to donate to what he/she believes is a good cause, are you obligated to do so? Would you feel guilty or embarrassed to say "No?"

I think we have a right to choose not to be uncomfortable in declining to give to a cause embraced by someone else, even a person who is important to us. If it strains the relationship a bit, well, the tension is the price to pay for making best use of whatever resources you might want to make available for charitable giving.

I came to this conclusion the other day when a friend tried to hit me up for a donation. By E-mail, he announced that his wife is running a marathon for a disease and wants me (and others who know him or her) to pay his wife to do so (via a donation to HER cause, not necessarily mine). As with so many running and multi-sport events, the wife will be gathering pledges for miles run to be given to the fund-raisers hired to assist the disease-fighting non-profit agency scheduled to receive monies donated. 

I could have ignored it, that is, kept my mouth/keyboard still and just let it go away. But noooooooooo, I had to shoot off a reaction to this. This was my message (the supplicant shall remain anonymous):

Most people asked to donate money because a friend is doing some event in honor of a cause -- and raising money at the same time, either just do it for the friend or ignore the request.  I don't want to do either. I prefer to explain why not because if the situation were reversed, I'd prefer a forthright response to being ignored after making a personal request.

We know many people doing X or Y race for causes A through Z. It would get expensive to give to the event/cause of all who ask, and an energy drain even to ponder who to or who not to support. I surely could not support them all -- there are too many. Besides, my wife and I do a lot of races -- the idea of paying into the charities of others to honor THEIR races seems a stretch. I think the idea of paying for someone else to collect money for a cause by running miles and such appeals most to non-athletes who view doing a marathon or triathlon as a big deal. Such feats are sensible things, but not a sound basis for allocating a portion of fixed/limited charitable dollars amongst a very large list of individuals and organizations, all doing fund raising on behalf of many worthy causes. Besides, the charities that put these fund raisers together are often themselves big business operations, and I suspect that they draw off a good portion of the funds raised to support, what else, more fund raising promotions -- and the salaries and expenses that make all the requisite organizing and fund-raising possible.

Maybe it's better if people just donate to the causes they want to support.

What do you think? Does this make sense? Maybe I'm just cheap. Basically, I prefer a more rational approach to giving and recommend the same to you. A nice note of explanation is good but should not be mandatory.

Be well. Always look on the bright side of life.

(Note: This essay will be filed in the archives in the MEANING DOMAIN under the skill area of relationships. Additional articles related to this theme may be found there.)

(Ed. Note: Views expressed in this and other columns are those of the author and not necessarily those of the SeekWellness Editorial Board.)

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