don's report archive

by Donald B. Ardell, Ph. D.

Wellness in the Headlines
(Don's Report to the World)

OK, maybe the title of this short essay is a bit of a reach. No doubt there is more to raising a well, happy and rational child than can be conveyed in the space (and wisdom) available. However, there are rather potent insights to be gained about raising well and happy, if not rational, kids to be found in a remarkable new government booklet for tourists!

I learned about the booklet, called "World Citizens Guide" produced by our State Department, in a London Telegraph article "Speak Softly, Don't Argue And Slow Down," 4/16/06. The Guide features 16 etiquette tips and advice to discourage bad ("boorish") behavior by Americans abroad. (Another group concerned with the image of Americans abroad, "Business for Diplomatic Action," distributed 200,000 passport-sized guides for college students going abroad. It, too, contained tips for civil behavior and little niceties.)

Are good manners guides really needed? Yes, according to the London Telegraph article. It seems we Americans are considered "arrogant and boastful, loud and brash, gawdy of garb and ill behaved" by an overwhelming majority of Europeans! Quelle horror -- I thought this kind of characterization applied only to Visigoths and Frenchmen. Evidently, the "The Ugly American" as described nearly half a century ago by William J. Lederer and Eugene Burdick still applies. In 1958, Americans were charged with arrogance, incompetence and corruption in Southeast Asia; if the writers for the London Telegraph and authors of the "Guide" are on to something, only the locale and charges have changed. We Americans are still not so beautiful when we travel abroad.

Well, thanks to the State Department, Americans might become more sensitive, considerate, thoughtful and low-key. If all goes according to plan, in time we could be admired for our winning personalities, if not our sense of exuberance, commitment to tolerance, love of freedom, liberty and a lot of other positive qualities. From a wellness perspective, I think all this manners education is a very good thing. It's about time we not only project a better image but behave in ways that are as desirable at home as anywhere else. The tips in the Guide are excellent. I'd like to see them distributed to parents as well as tourists.

No need to be defensive about the "ugly American" charges. Instead, let's adopt the positive qualities suggested in the Guide. At least, let's teach these lessons in considerate behavior to our children, even if we continue to act badly ourselves. (Just kidding.)

I suggest we all do our part to model the qualities featured in the "World Citizens Guide". Why wait till we go abroad, if ever? These are worthy tips for interactions with our children, friends, co-workers and perfect (and imperfect) strangers. If we model good manners, we can be sure that when our little darlins grow up and venture off to Europe (and elsewhere), perceptions of Americans will be vastly improved. Of course, there are even better, self-evident reasons for being considerate, sensitive and charming.

Even if you or your children never leave home, the advice inspired by these booklets should be helpful and parents might want to model such characteristics. The non-verbal cues each of us puts out, day after day, have quite an impact on our relations with others. Thus, the key ideas in the "Guide" and other behavior codes could hasten the end of the "ugly American" persona if widely adopted. Here are a few highlights from the "Guide:"

• Think big but talk and act small -- boasting is not becoming, it's rude. Trash talking is not cool -- be low key and humble about your wealth, power and status.
  
  
• Listen more than you talk. Ask people about themselves.
  
  
• Invite opinions but don't be in a hurry to tell yours. Let others work at getting opinions from you -- they will attend to them more earnestly this way.
  
  
• Think local -- ask others about their cultures. Don't even assume they care about yours.
  
  
• Slow down. Most Americans talk too fast and eat too much.
  
  
• Lower your voice. A loud voice is often perceived as bragging, aggressive and/or threatening.
  
  
• Keep your religion to yourself. Europeans are not as religious as Americans, and those who are consider the topic too personal to discuss with tourists. If you are in the Middle East and you have any sense at all, you will know better than to go on about your religion, especially if you're not a Muslim.
  
  
• If you must discuss politics, don't burden others with yours. America is not the world's most popular country these days. In fact, just the opposite is true.

There you have it. A few illustrative tips for behavior and, coincidentally, for improving the chances that you might raise a child as a healthy, happy and rational person who will be a worthy representative of his country. We can do much better than the present generations of travelers -- let's take these tips and make them part of the wellness message and our own persona.

Be well. Look on the bright side of life.

(Note: This essay will be filed in the archives in the MENTAL DOMAIN under the skill area of relationships. Additional articles related to this theme may be found there.)

(Ed. Note: Views expressed in this and other columns are those of the author and not necessarily those of the SeekWellness Editorial Board.)

 Send e-mail to Don Ardell