don's report archive

by Donald B. Ardell, Ph. D.

Wellness in the Headlines
(Don's Report to the World)

"There are four basic food groups: milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate, and chocolate truffles."
~Anonymous

"Make a list of important things to do today. At the top of your list, put 'eat chocolate.' Now, you'll get at least one thing done today. "
~Gina Hayes

I had a dream the other night wherein my wife and I were in a crowded room filled entirely with addicts gathered for some kind of 12-step program. Suddenly, I was called upon. I stood, hesitant for a moment, and then realized the time had come to stop hiding my problem, to share my story, however shameful. With head high, I said, in a steady voice: "Hi. My name is Don, and my wife here is a chocoholic." Everyone was wonderfully supportive. "Hi Don," they cried joyfully in holistic unison. Yes, it was clear they could feel my pain and were with me all the way.

Although in almost every other regard she has more discipline over her lifestyle than I do (and I'm a wellness guru, or so some of my less critical loyal followers would like to think), where chocolate is involved, my dear wife is helpless. She knows better, but leaps to believe and gain hope from every half-baked study (one of which was based on a sample of thirteen people!) that seems to support the hope that cocoa beans are some kind of health food! A preposterous notion, in my opinion. Maybe the human tendency to believe what we want to be true is not only the cause of credulity about dark chocolate (which has more flavonoids and less sugar than the lighter versions), but accounts as well for the bizarre notions of paradise beyond the grave. What else would lead grownups to expect hot virgins at the ready, honey everywhere (but no bees) and every imaginable fantasy come to life in the afterlife? Maybe you've heard the expression, "If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride!" But, they are not and they do not. Let's get back to the claims for cocoa drinks, chocolate bars, M&M's, bonbons and chocolate pudding as health food.

Allow me to summarize these hopes for chocolate, then summarize the realities often overlooked or downplayed. The claims by choco-maniacs and scientists who enjoy titillating them include the following:

• Chocolate is made from cocoa beans. Cocoa beans contain flavanols. Flavanols (some think) increase nitric oxide in the blood. More nitric oxide in the blood improves the function of blood vessels.
  
  
• Those who consume the equivalent of one-third of a chocolate bar daily have lower blood pressure --and a reduced risk of death. (This finding is based on a recent study of older Dutch men sponsored by the Netherlands Prevention Foundation).

Realty:

• Study participants who ate more cocoa products also were found to practice healthier lifestyles, which is probably what lowered their blood pressure. Chances are, their lower blood pressures and risk of death developed DESPITE eating chocolate.
  
  
• These study subjects were also later found to have been lighter in weight and more oriented to eating nuts and seeds than those who munched on chocolates.
  
  
• The studies were done with male subjects; such data findings do not necessarily apply to females, and vice-versa.
  
  
• Eating too much chocolate can make you fat, which increases the risk of heart disease and high blood pressure. This can increase the difficulties of getting a date with a fit person.
  
  
• People do not just eat chocolate when they eat chocolate. As one Mayo Clinic doctor pointed out, "The problem is all the things people put chocolate with. The chocolate cakes, the chocolate ice cream." (Quoted in "Study Bolsters Chocolate's Tie To Better Health," New York Times, Page D6.)

Look - it could be true. Maybe chocolate is not just good for you in some indirect way beyond flavonoid compounds. Maybe it makes you happier, improves your sexual functioning, 10K times and brings you closer to God. Who knows? Nearly anything is at least theoretically possible, if not plausible. But, don't count on it. Live it up, eat chocolate moderately, if possible and indulge all kinds of other pleasures, but make time for serious daily exercise as well. And never forget -- always look on the bright side of life.

Let me end this anti-chocolate rant with a learned reference to that great phrase-maker, Dr. Anonymous, who once told a chocolate fable: "This guy found a bottle in the ocean, and he opened it and out popped a genie, and he gave him three wishes. The guy wished for a million dollars, and poof! There was a million dollars. Then he wished for a convertible, and poof! There was a convertible. And then, he wished he could be irresistible to all women... poof! He turned into a box of chocolates."

Be well.

(Note: This essay will be filed in the archives in the PHYSICAL DOMAIN under the skill area of nutrition. Additional articles related to this theme may be found there.)

(Ed. Note: Views expressed in this and other columns are those of the author and not necessarily those of the SeekWellness Editorial Board.)

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