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by Donald B. Ardell, Ph. D.
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A Parenting Guide: How To Raise Thoughtful Infidels Who Appreciate A Secular Version of Spirituality, Meaning and Purpose

Friday March 10, 2006

O Karma, Dharma, pudding and pie, gimme a break before I die:
grant me wisdom, will and wit, purity, probity, pluck and grit.
Trustworthy, loyal, helpful, kind, gimme great abs and a steel-trap mind,
and forgive, Ye Gods, some humble advice - these little blessings would suffice to beget an earthly paradise:
make the bad people good - and the good people nice;
and before our world goes over the brink, teach the believers how to think.

"O Karma, Dharma, Pudding and Pie," a poem by Philip Appleman, from Selected Poems (University of Arkansas).

A few weeks ago, I was invited to write a chapter for a book about secular parenting. What an exciting project. As a parent of two who is long predisposed to all things secular, including childrearing, I found the invitation very attractive. Once I learned the guidelines, the project became even more attractive. I'm downright enthusiastic about it. If we are to teach believers how to think before our world goes over the brink, why not start with the children of non-believers?

The book will be entitled, simply enough, Secular Parenting. It will be the first book-length work aimed at "parents raising children without religious indoctrination." At a time when our nation seems to be sliding into a theocracy under George Bush, it seems important for secularists to speak out, protest, march or, in this case, write a chapter -- anything other than remaining on the sideline while the Righteous Ones go about dismantling the wall that has separated their church and our state.

The editor, Dale McGowan, Ph.D, is a college professor in St. Paul, MN. He seeks to create a guidebook for secular parents that will be "an interesting and informative resource." Dr. McGowan also wants to show that secular parenting is "a perfectly normal option for raising healthy, ethical, well-rounded kids in a loving and honest environment."

He believes that while religion has lots to offer (community, a set of values, rites of passage, comforting answers to big questions and consoling explanations to ease hardship and loss, for examples), "these benefits come at too high a price" for most secularists. Quoting Dr. Mc Gowan:

Secular Parenting is an attempt to provide guidance and support to those taking that road less traveled. If we do this right, we can demonstrate that all of the benefits to be found in religion can be achieved secularly without the negatives. There are innumerable ways of establishing caring communities, of discussing and teaching values, and of celebrating meaningful landmarks in a growing child's life. The wonders of the universe revealed by science far outstrip the wonders of the religious imagination, and the consolations of philosophy can provide comforts in the face of hardship and loss, with the added benefit of honesty. We have everything our kids need; it's time to demonstrate that.

The 20-25 writers for this project might include Richard Dawkins, Penn Jillette, Katha Pollitt, Annie Laurie Gaylor, Margaret Downey, Julia Sweeney, Timothy Ferris and Massimo Pigliucci, but probably not Pat Robertson or Jerry Falwell. My chapter will address secular spirituality, meaning and purpose. All chapter authors will be guided by these three guidelines:

Promote independent thinking. Rather than trying to raise kids to be infidels (atheists, heathens, apostates, etc.), the chapters should encourage and facilitate independent thought. Instead of indoctrination or a single perspective, teach skills of how to think and to ask any question, challenge any answer. Critical thought, skepticism and even doubt will be supported. Communicate our own convictions while assisting children to be as skeptical of our beliefs as well as anyone else's.
Be positive. Critique religious perspectives, as necessary, but avoid anti-religious diatribes. Assist and support those who have already chosen a secular path. Be civil and non-combative. Write for "parents who love their children and want the best for them." I was pleased to note "humor gets a special dispensation." If authors write something that makes the editor laugh, just about anything will be acceptable.
Write for a general, non-specialist audience. The target: secular parents looking for advice on parenting.

Sound promising? I'll let you know when it's finished.

Be well. Always look on the bright side of life.

Domain: mental
Subdomain: effective decisions

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