don's report archive

by Donald B. Ardell, Ph. D.

Wellness in the Headlines
(Don's Report to the World)

"What if the universe were controlled by a just God who openly rewarded virtue and punished evil, in this life? The existence of God would be manifest, and everyone would Believe. People would begin being virtuous in the hope of achieving material success and avoiding misfortune. The cynicism behind this behavior would therefore transform every selfless act into a selfish one, meaning God would begin punishing the virtuous..."
 
~Gene Weingarten, "Have You Wondered, What If The World Were Flat," St. Petersburg Times, December 4, 2005, 5E. 
 
Having grown up Catholic, I can relate to Weingarten's "What If," quoted above. Like my peers in grade school at St. (almost an apostle) Barnabas, we were taught the Roman dogma and NOT encouraged to ask questions. We memorized who loves me, why He loves me and a lot of prayers, particularly those involving hailing Mary, some creed about apostles, a homage number to the Father (not the one I called "Dad") and the biggie, "The Act of Contrition." I had no idea what "contrition" meant till about seventh grade, but I knew the words by rote and often, at the bequest of the nuns, repeated them aloud, along with my classmates. 
 
It was the Act of Contrition that made me think God would punish the virtuous, me in particular. I'll explain why.  
 
All this went down a long time ago, during a span from 1944 through 1952. I still know a few prayers, though I haven't uttered any for half a century. That I can recite such prayers, to the delight of my heretic wife who finds them a crackup, attests to the power of brainwashing done on impressionable young minds.
 
In any event, there was something about the Act of Contrition that sparked an ethical crisis as a child.  
 
Confession involved telling your sins, venial and/or mortal, to a priest in a little confessional box half the size of a port-a-potty. He listened behind a wall with a door that slid open while you fessed up, then he absolved you of your transgressions and meted out a "penance" -- prayers to recite x number of times. (Different priests were known to be more lenient than others; the confessional lines were always short with the "soft touch" priests and very long waiting to see the "throw the book at them" priest-judges.) Either way, tough or easy prayer sentence, the deal was sealed when you recited the Act of Contrition. At that point, you were truly forgiven.
 
By the way, a "venial sin" was like a misdemeanor, not such a big deal. It might consist of having disobeyed your parents, uttered a swear word, attended a movie on the Church's list of banned films - that sort of thing. Die with venial sins on your head (or soul) and you probably burn just a little while -- and not in hell (short time sufferers would burn in a place called purgatory). Maybe first degree burns or something for venial sins. Nobody knew. But, die with a mortal sin and you're screwed -- the hell fires await. The list of mortal sins was endless and varied, from missing mass on Sunday or a "holy day of obligation" to something more serious like setting off a thermonuclear device in a shopping mall. All were mortal sins for which you would burn eternally -- in hell.
 
To seal the deal after confessing my usual combination of venial and occasional mortal (missed mass on Sunday) sins, it was necessary to do penance and say the Act of Contrition. Here is what the act entailed -- note the part in CAPS: 
 
"O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee, and I detest all my sins because I dread the loss of Heaven and the pains of Hell; BUT MOST OF ALL BECAUSE THEY OFFEND THEE, MY GOD, WHO ARE ALL-GOOD AND DESERVING OF ALL MY LOVE. I firmly resolve, with the help of Thy grace, to confess my sins, to do penance, and to amend my life. Amen."
 
I'm sorry, but even then, as a pre-pubescent little twerp confessing things like disobeying my parents or lusting in my heart (it was called "touching myself impurely" in those days), saying that I was more worried about "offending thee, all good and deserving of all my love" one, was pure holy BS. I was a LOT more concerned about the pains of hell than offending the all deserving one. Heaven could wait. Besides, nobody, not the nuns or priests or even the Pope, had a clue what heaven was like. For all I knew, I might not even like it. No, I was sorry (sort of heartily) "for having offended thee" mainly because of the pains of hell, pure and simple. I did not even "detest" my sins, for if I did I would not keep repeating them, week after week, for years and years. In fact, I STILL don't detest some of them, including touching myself impurely. 
 
I notice the Catholics have updated the Act of Contrition. Here's the new version, found at a website called the Catholic Source Book. 
 
"O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended you, and I detest all my sins, because of Your just punishments, but most of all because they offend You, my God, who are all-good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of Your grace, to sin no more and to avoid the near occasion of sin."
 
Notice they dropped the hellfire section. Still, there are those "just punishments," and every Catholic knows what that means, as in "burn, baby, burn." So, little Catholic boys and girls coming out of confession, and adult Catholics, too, are probably still having little ethical conflicts about that venial sin they find themselves committing even as they are forgiven. They commit such a sin if they don't REALLY care MORE about offending the "all good and deserving of love" God than the focus on "just punishments."
 
This was an ecclesiastical catch 22, as in the Joseph Heller novel by that name. I was sane enough to want to avoid the hellfires dramatized by Hieronymus Bosch and the ever-so imaginative nuns of St. Barnabas. But, I was crazy enough to remain devoted to, and in the thrall of, the Catholic religion, at least to the point that I wanted to be sin-free. What was a somewhat innocent little kid to do? How could I avoid a lie (another sin) by repeating that "offending thee" clause in the Act of Contrition? Remember, I was reciting the uncensored version in effect in the 40's and 50 that did not pussyfoot around about "pains of hell." It was a confessional catch 22 I never resolved. Except by leaving the church. 
 
I think the new Pope ought to look into this. If anyone out there has connections with the Pontiff, let him know I'd be glad to consult on needed reforms. 
 
Be well, and always look on the bright side of life.

(Note: This essay will be filed in the archives in the MEANING DOMAIN under the skill area of applied wellness. Additional articles related to this theme may be found there.)

(Ed. Note: Views expressed in this and other columns are those of the author and not necessarily those of the SeekWellness Editorial Board.)

 Send e-mail to Don Ardell