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Throw us a bone

Wellness in the Headlines
(Don's Report to the World)

Are Americans Crazy?
Friday December 12, 2003

A year ago, the US Surgeon General released an exhaustive review of research on mental health. The findings of the review were that one in five Americans, or about 50 million people, suffer from mental disorders. Considering some of the characters that Americans have elected to Congress, this figure hints at a situation involving serious underreporting.

The actual number or percent of afflicted depends, naturally enough, on how you define mental health disorder. I think anyone who lives an abusive lifestyle has a bit of a mental disorder. Don't you? Really. There was a full page ad in today's St. Petersburg Times for a cigarette called "Omni." Two banner boxes across the top of the page read, "Surgeon General's Warning: Cigarette Smoke Contains Carbon Monoxide" and "Warning: Smoking is addictive and dangerous to your health. Reductions in carcinogens (PAHs, nitrosamines and catechols) have NOT been proven to result in safer cigarettes. This product produces tar, carbon monoxide and other harmful by-products." That, you would think, would discourage most consumers tempted by the not so appealing lines underneath the brand name -- "Reduced carcinogens. Premium taste." I looked at the ad and wondered, "was this placed by the tobacco company, or an anti-smoking group?" The only ad copy proclaimed the following: "Introducing the first premium cigarette created to significantly reduce carcinogenic PAHs, nitrosamines and catechols, which are major causes of lung cancer in smokers." Imagine finding a product in a grocery store, such as a box of breakfast cereal, with a sign proclaiming that "Loop De Goops" whole grain cereal has significantly reduced levels of carcinogenic PAHs, nitrosamines and catechols." I don't think this would positively influence my chances of selecting Loop De Goops."

Anyone who would buy a product advertised in the manner of Omni cigarettes seems to be suffering from a mental disorder. Since 20 to 25 percent of the population still smokes, there's one in five right there. This does not count the millions of enthusiasts of pro wrestling or the few hundred here and there who still support Jerry Falwell.

Which leads me to announce, right here in a world preview pre-press release, my own most recent scientific opinion, based on observations combined with double-blind, crossover studies of a longitudinal, horizontal and dignified nature. I hereby announce that the good Dr. David Satcher seriously underestimated the incidence of mental illness in America. What's more, Dr. Satcher got the percentages backward -- only one in five IS healthy. The rest have gone around the bend -- and I am NOT referring only to nicotine addicts who purchase Omni and other cigarette brands.

The main recommendation in Dr. Satcher's report is seek help if you have a mental health problem or think you have symptoms of a mental disorder, and encourage everyone else to be on the lookout for others with mental problems. Dr. Satcher also wants new laws to require insurance companies to treat mental and physical health problems equally, and Democrats on Capital Hill have introduced such legislation. Well, I wonder how long insurance companies will stay in business if this kind of insurance is made available to all or most citizens?

Mental health is described as an "ability to engage in productive activities, to fulfill relationships with others, adapt to change and cope with adversity." So go count on two hands the number of folks you work with who pass that test!

Next, think about the quality of relationships of people you know, their ability to adapt to change and cope with adversity and ask yourself: Is it one in five who meet the test of mentally ill, or four in five? If you did not select the latter, apply one more test: Does an ability to change and adapt not include a proven capacity to self manage? The latter surely includes a record of having cared for one's well being, don't you think?

That is, the person who can adapt and change does not smoke, live a sedentary lifestyle, abuse alcohol, maintain destructive/unhappy relationships or worry him or herself half to death, day in and day out. Do you agree?

What's more, if you can self manage (change and cope, for example), you can find ways to enjoy your work, manifest a fine sense of humor that allows you to fill your days with enjoyment and play, employ effective and critical thinking in order not to be defrauded by promoters of useless products (alternative but bogus remedies or pills for better health, for examples), effectively communicate with honesty and candor and find ways to delight in the expression of your gifts and talents. For starters. Now, what do you think? Are we talking about one in five with such change and adaptation skills, or four in five?

I suspect you agree that Dr. Satcher is not telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, namely, the reason most people are not living self-managing, wellness oriented lifestyles is because they are bloody crazy!

If still not convinced that Dr. Satcher inverted his percentages, think of the obsession that vast numbers of people have with college and/or professional sports teams, including such abominations as professional drag racing and demolition derbies! Then recall that Dave Barry, in an essay entitled "Sixteen Things That it Took Me 50 Years to Learn," included this as item number six: There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." Along similar lines, Larry Dickerson quipped that "People who believe in phrenology should have their heads examined." In one form or another, it looks like four in five are devout subscribers to phrenology or worse.

And lastly, let me ask if you can define the word "coprolalia" (kop-ruh-LAY-lee-uh)? It's a noun that means "the uncontrolled, often excessive use of obscene or scatological language that may accompany certain mental disorders, such as schizophrenia or Tourette's syndrome." Have you listened to a teen lately, or watched TV? Well, let me tell you, at LEAST four of every five has either schizophrenia or Tourette's syndrome! Add all the other mental conditions and it's clear that Dr. Satcher is an optimist.

Anyone in his or her right mind would realize that to adapt and cope, flourish and prosper in this life, you must care for your body and mind. You must exercise vigorously nearly every day, dine wisely, be responsible for your own health and fate (even though you can be squashed like a bug through no "fault" of your own), find ways to make life in general and work in particular challenging and satisfying and otherwise self manage to nourish your existence. To change and adapt is the minimal requirement for mental health. Don't settle for simply not being crazy. Set your sights much higher, on your own terms. Seek realities that transcend the norm. The norm is set too low.

To NOT be crazy, however difficult for at least four out of five, is not at all worthy of your potentials and your good fortune to be living in a mostly free society where so much choice is possible. It's nice not to be crazy, but you can do better.

(This article was first published December 13, 2001)

(Note: This essay will be filed in the archives in the MENTAL DOMAIN under the skill area of mental health. Additional articles related to this theme may be found there.)

(Ed. Note: Views expressed in this and other columns are those of the author and not necessarily those of the SeekWellness Editorial Board.)

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