don's report archive

by Donald B. Ardell, Ph. D.

Wellness in the Headlines
(Don's Report to the World)

“I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.” Rita Rudner

I recently attended the wedding of my one and only daughter, held in the San Francisco Bay Area. It was a marvelous occasion, especially the reception. A couple days before the event, I was given fair warning that I could be called upon to offer a toast to the new married couple, even though the only scheduled toast was the customary one given by the Best Man. Thus, as a safeguard should I be called upon, I spent a few moments here and there musing about what I might say if invited to give a toast. My ex even proffered a book of wedding toasts, but I could find little of interest therein, except the sensible advice that all toasts should be short and sweet.

The wedding service went off without a hitch and the reception was going along nicely when the Best Man was called upon to do his thing, which he did. That seemed to be the end of it, which was fine with me, when the emcee asked if anyone else wanted to offer a toast. I had no intention of volunteering, as I never did settle on a proper toast. Just when it seemed the moment would pass and we would all get back to dancing and such, the emcee walked over and handed me the microphone. It seemed a conspiracy of relatives on my side of the union had volunteered my services.

Here is what I said in my toast--more or less. It was impromptu, and this retelling is also a bit impromptu, in that it is based on selective recall. Since I had not prepared any remarks, there were no notes or other incriminating evidence. However, I think this is rather accurate. The point in offering these comments as part of a daily essay is to show that if you are immersed in a wellness lifestyle and mindset, you can use that experience to talk about anything! If for any reason this does not make sense, consider this: You had to be there!

I begin by acknowledging Jeanne's Mom, Janice. (Applause for Jan.) I would share credit for these celebratory remarks with Jan, but she has no idea what I am about to say and might experience heart failure from worry if I implied she was in any way culpable or complicit in what follows.

As father of the bride, it is both an honor and a great pleasure to celebrate the union of Jeanne and Steve.

All parents want the best for their children. They want them to have health, happiness, success and all the rest. The parents of a female child, however, have a special desire. As their little girl makes her way through adolescence, young adulthood and into the world as an eligible woman, they want as much as anything else a worthy mate for their precious child. I say without reservation that Steve has put my mind at ease. Steve, thank you for being there for and with Jeanne. I am more than relieved--I am ecstatic.

The other night, I asked Jeanne if there were any special stories, anecdotes or other remarks she would have me mention, in the event I were asked for a toast. She said, "Give me a minute, I'll get back to you." Five minutes later, she gave me a list of 27 topics which, under no circumstances, were I to mention!

Well, Jeanne, I am able to hold my tongue on 26 of them. I think that's pretty good.

Some of you know I am a promoter of healthy lifestyles--and the topic of "wellness" is the one area I cannot resist mentioning. I think Jeanne added "wellness" to the forbidden list only because she feared a long rant But, I shall be brief--there is a point to be made here!

To make it, I'll recite a phrase I often use to describe the American health care system. The phrase, my own creation, is this: "Modern medicine is a wonderful thing, but there are two problems: People expect too much of it and too little of themselves."

So it is with marriage, for many people. They expect too much of the institution, and not enough of themselves. They fail to invest daily in themselves and each other, thereby not allowing the relationship to evolve in positive and dynamic, constructive ways. This will not happen with Steve and Jeanne, because they are models of modern wellness and exemplars at assuming personal responsibility for the quality of their lives. That is say, they not only exercise daily, eat well, understand how to manage stress and engage in wise lifestyle practices but know how to nurture their relationship skills, they are savants at humor and play, they have high emotional intelligence and they are critical thinkers--all for starters. As important, look around this reception area--Jeanne and Steve have a marvelous supportive environment of loving friends who reinforce the best of conscious choices.

Now, you know Jeanne as a bright, ambitious, funny, happy, easy-going and always cheerful person, and that is indeed how she lives, most of the time. But, as her daddy, I know well other marvelous qualities, one of which is the capacity to be tender and sweet and rather touching, on special occasions. I don't know if Jeanne will remember this, but she once said something to me in a tender moment that I have never forgotten, and I'll share it with you now. At age eight or so, at a particularly reflective moment, Jeanne looked at me, smiled and said, "Thanks for being my daddy." I've never forgotten it. And so, on this happy occasion, many years later, I want to toast the bride and especially her husband Steve by saying, "Hey, big guy, thanks for being Steve."

To Jeanne and Steve.

Be well. Always look on the bright side of life.

(Note: This essay will be filed in the archives in the MEANING DOMAIN under the skill area of relationships. Additional articles related to this theme may be found there.)

(Ed. Note: Views expressed in this and other columns are those of the author and not necessarily those of the SeekWellness Editorial Board.)

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