don's report archive

by Donald B. Ardell, Ph. D.

Wellness in the Headlines
(Don's Report to the World)

Ever wonder what planet some people live on? At a recent gathering, the leaders of a popular religion (the identity of which shall remain a secret so as not to give the impression I'm picking on them -- or trying to get you to join their ranks!) condemned teaching young people about birth control. They also withdrew support for condom education and urged that AIDS education focus solely on the promotion of chastity. Presumably, high school and college students will remain chaste given their inability to discover any alternatives to chastity until such time as they are properly married and mature enough to engage in behaviors associated with breeding. I certainly hope so.

A few years ago, a religious leader in San Diego issued a decree banning a state legislator from religious rites as a punishment for voting on an issue at odds with the sect's doctrines. Amazingly, the legislator did not change her position on the issue, and in fact became a leading advocate of a point of view at odds with the sect's official position. This is similar to what used to happen in Boston when the clergy banned certain books -- such bans nearly guaranteed a best seller. The effect in the case of the California state legislator was almost predictable -- the defiant politician surged in the polls and won reelection in a contest she otherwise had been expected to lose. This shows once again that most people prefer the notion of the Founding Fathers to keep separate church and state. Pronouncements, edicts and dictates from religious leaders on matters of public policy are not usually well received in secular, democratic states.

All of which brings to mind a situation a few years ago when a group of American anti-abortion protesters lit candles and gave speeches outside the U.S. Embassy in Moscow to protest abortion restrictions in the US! Really -- I'm not making this up.

As you might imagine, this really impressed the Russians, who lived in a land where women have no choice about abortions -- the primary form of birth control in that struggling nation. There are no condoms for sale in the U.S.S.R.-- each Russian adult woman has an AVERAGE of nine abortions. (Maybe all the condoms were removed from store shelves and vending machines after authorities learned that American religious leaders were urging chastity.) When informed of the nature of the protest, one Russian woman laughed and said: "It's incomprehensible! It's absurd."

Speaking of the absurd, have you ever heard someone say, "I get all the exercise I need serving as pallbearer for my friends who exercise?" Surely you have encountered that several times -- per month! Right? Especially if you are a fitness buff! Maybe I'm losing my infectious, world-class sense of humor or something but I have to wonder, "Is this really funny?"

I had thoughts along these lines the other day when I saw a quote attributed to Notre Dame's oldest alumnus, 100 year-old Edward Story. Asked to explain his longevity, Edward said, "I don't smoke, drink, gamble, chew, or run around. You wouldn't think that I've had much fun -- and I sure haven't." I laughed, too, when I first read his comment. Then I thought about it some more and decided it was not so funny, after all. In fact, it was kind of dumb. Ok, maybe it's hard to have much fun if you don't "run around," but what does smoking, drinking, gambling or chewing have to do with having fun? The comment that at first elicited a laugh implied that people addicted to nicotine and alcohol, compulsive gamblers and chew-freaks, like blonds, have more fun. Maybe blonds do, but I'm not sure those who fit the other categories are such happy-go-lucky folks.

Well, what's a self-manager to do when exposed to anti-exercise "jokes?" Personally, next time someone offers me the old "I get exercise serving as a pallbearer joke" or quotes a geek-geezer like Edward Story, I'm going to reply, "I don't get it. Would you please explain that?"

While I may be the death of the party and lose social standing, suffer a decline in dinner invitations and experience terminal isolation from normal people, I'll have the satisfaction of knowing I only laugh at certifiably pure, wellness-oriented humor. Haha.

If you are not sure about the appropriateness of a joke or quotable, consider this. Before laughing, send a typed version of the joke or quotable to me for approval! Authorization to chuckle will be given if the material does not violate any healthful norms, self-management principles or biases of yours truly. Don't live recklessly. Safeguard your laughter. If in doubt, check it out. If I myself am unsure about any material, I'll get a second opinion. I'll ask the religious authorities.

Isn't humor liberating? I recommend it for mental health. Have fun, don't take things, authorities or yourself too seriously and, of course, try to look on the bright and the light side of life.

(Note: This essay will be filed in the archives in the MEANING DOMAIN under the skill area of humor. Additional articles related to this theme may be found there.)

(Ed. Note: Views expressed in this and other columns are those of the author and not necessarily those of the SeekWellness Editorial Board.)

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