don's report archive

by Donald B. Ardell, Ph. D.

Wellness in the Headlines
(Don's Report to the World)

In an effort to boost traffic to this site, lure sponsors with deep pockets and give more joy to the world (via an appeal to prurient interests of current visitors, I am considering a new attraction for the Wellness Center -- a "Wellmate of the Month" feature. How does that idea strike you?

As you might have heard, skin sells. I'm sure you know what category of website is far and away the most popular AND profitable on the net. Why should SeekWellness pretend to be holier than thou, or holier than Enron, WorldCom or, most recently, Starbucks? Yes, Starbucks -- the latest company to benefit from an immense amount of free publicity because Playboy Magazine has featured ten of its female employees in various stages of "caffeination" in the September edition. This kind of thing not only serves the public interest in important ways, none of which comes to mind at the moment, but is also quite popular with employees -- Playboy received about 300 submissions from Starbucks ladies seeking this honor.

It really is not difficult to justify such a thing. For example, those who in the future might visit the Wellness Center to gaze at ribald pictures of near-naked women (I'll ask them to wear something of their choice, such as a ribbon in their hair, a hat, shoes, sunglasses or whatever) may find themselves reading a few of the interesting interviews, the daily "Don's Report" or 1000 or so essays indexed at the site. If they do that, they will be exposing themselves to valuable tips on better living and clear thinking. Isn't this what I am trying to accomplish with the Wellness Center? Surely I should not be content to preach only to the faithful.

People who come to the Wellness Center for the "wrong" reasons (to leer at the "wellmates") may find themselves doing the "right" thing, namely, learning about and then practicing self-managing lifestyles! This could dramatically improve the quality of life of such visitors. That outcome would be reason enough for this feature, but there's yet another possible benefit of adding a few "wellmates!" The vast revenues obtained by dragging the Wellness Center into a bit of cheesecake will enable the rest of the Wellness Center features to continue to exist. As you might have heard, the world of dot-coms is not an easy one in which to survive economically. The "wellmates" would thereby safeguard the invaluable editorials and other edifying material for the limited number of readers of sound mind and body who read it for the intellectual stimulation it provides, as well as the spiritual ennoblement it instills. Enough said? Have I convinced you? Are you ready to submit photos of yourself or a suggested "wellmate" feature? Or, would you rather we keep this site pure and professional, stick to the high road and take our fiscal chances?

Do advise, because I'm ready to seek new worlds to conquer, take more chances, tred untrod wellness ground and otherwise go where none has gone before, sort of in a wellness Star Trek manner. I want to see the Wellness Center pass the million mark in visitors by the end of the year. Something dramatic must be done if we are to reach this non-promised but desired land. Of course, we could always try to gain audience share by running a 30-second television commercial for the Wellness Center during the annual Super Bowl broadcast, but my producer thinks the multi-million dollar price tag (and that does not count the cost of producing the ad itself) is a little steep. Therefore, low-budget titillations will have to do for the moment.

Feel free to send in a provocative picture of YOURSELF if you would like to be considered a candidate for the "Wellmate of the Month." No special rules or guidelines are available at this time -- just be sure that your entry is wholesome and alluring and suitable for our goal of attracting the masses to SeekWellness.

Thanks. Be well and always look on the bright side of life.

(Note: This essay will be filed in the archives in the MEANING DOMAIN under the skill area of humor. Additional articles related to this theme may be found there.)

(Ed. Note: Views expressed in this and other columns are those of the author and not necessarily those of the SeekWellness Editorial Board.)

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