don's report archive

by Donald B. Ardell, Ph. D.

Wellness in the Headlines
(Don's Report to the World)

What danger can ever come from ingenious reasoning and inquiry? The worst speculative skeptic ever I knew was a much better man than the best superstitious devotee and bigot.
David Hume in a letter to Gilbert Elliot, March 10, 1751.

Background

Nearly everyone realizes that the bloated $1.3 trillion sickness system exists in large part because people smoke, fail to exercise vigorously on a daily basis, make poor nutritional choices, abuse alcohol, overmedicate and alternate from boredom to stress in everyday life. This is the archetype or pattern characterizing the normal American! Millions more do not meet even this degree of mediocrity; instead, they take all or some of these qualities to extreme levels. As a result, society is overpopulated with the heavily medicated who are obese, diseased, depressed, dependent on the health/sickness care system, a bit mad, superstitious and humor-impaired. Few show much interest in seeking the meaning of life!

A Confidential Source Helps M Break the Story

I met secretly a few days ago with a top Bush health advisor who revealed (leaked, actually) a revolutionary, top-secret Administration plan to motivate normals and sub-normals. Ostensibly crafted to cure the ills of the health care/sickness system, the new plan will, if implemented, do much more.

I promised not to disclose the identity of my source. At this time, I will only acknowledge that he wore a trench coat when we met in the shadows of a parking garage. At some future date, when he has passed from the scene, I'll name my source. All I can volunteer at this time is that my Bush Administration insider, whom I'll call "Shallow Esophagus," is as highly placed as one could be -- this is no mere underling. On a personal note, I'll add that he is a smoker and otherwise not someone you would associate with healthy lifestyles. Yet, he is, in my opinion, a patriot who knows the innermost secrets of White House strategies, in general, and about this plan, in particular -- and wants a wellness promoter to leak the amazing story. (I'm unclear of his motivation. Perhaps he wants to put the normals on notice that big changes are ahead from the unlikeliest of places.)

The Coming Bush Plan

The key to the future Bush health reform plan, to be called the "Brightstyles Initiative," is to identify and reward Americans who adopt and sustain healthy, sensible and intelligent attitudes and lifestyle practices. This and this alone, the Bush people believe, will motivate our nation's normal majority to rethink their ignominious life choices and begin to live so as to avoid most illnesses. The shrinkage of medical system costs, including Medicare and all other Federal health programs, will drop the Federal budget to a fraction of current levels. While Shallow Esophagus did not have definitive information on the matter, one can assume that the hundreds of billions saved can be used for all manner of needed domestic initiatives, as well as invasions of Iran, North Korea, France and any other country whose leaders get out of line.

Basic Details of the Program

Which brightstyles will be rewarded by the new Bush Administration initiative? A composite set of characteristics or a "brightstyle profile" can be sketched at this time. Look for the following qualities to be positively reinforced with all manner of tax and other wellness-based incentives.

Brightstyle designations will go to citizens who:

• Demonstrate better sense than to engage in self-destructive practices (smoking, excessive alcohol consumption, for example.)
• Consistently make healthy choices (exercise vigorously daily, eat wisely and manage stress in constructive ways.)
• Practice critical thinking.

The Real Challenge, The True Agenda

While the first couple reforms noted above may seem daunting, the most challenging part of the president's Brightstyle Initiative is, in my opinion, the promotion of rational, evidence-based decision-making. Why? Because there is so little of it in our culture, particularly in the ranks of the Administration itself.

Consider a few qualities of brightstyle thinking to be encouraged by the Initiative:

• A respect for democratic traditions, many of which date to the Enlightenment, such as an inquisitive world view, a reliance on humanity to save itself from folly and the rejection of superstitions and belief in being aided, abetted or even "saved" by ghosts, elves, the Easter Bunny or fictitious beings. Citizens with brightstyles reject black magic in all its forms.
• A strict separation of church and state. This separation has protected the best interests both of church AND state in America for well over 200 years. Brightstyle practitioners do not want an American version of an Iranian, Saudi or Israeli theocratic government -- they prefer instead a "secular society that tolerates all religions but promotes or favors none, gives absolute equality to all and bases law on ethical principles for a just and good society, not religious beliefs." (I'm quoting Shallow Esophagus.)
• Demonstrate a robust enthusiasm for all the safeguards and liberties associated with the Constitution's Bill of Rights.
• Share a naturalistic worldview marked by bemused skepticism, objectivism and rationalism.

Potential Sources of Support for the Bush Plan

A 2002 survey by the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life, quoted by Daniel C. Dennett in a New York Times piece on July 12, 2003 entitled "The Bright Stuff," suggests 27 million Americans are likely to qualify initially for full benefits under Bush's Brightstyles Initiative.

Richard Dawkins, a science professor at Oxford University and author of many books, including A Devil's Chaplain, suggests 60 percent of American scientists, and a stunning 93 percent of scientists in the elite National Academy of Sciences (equivalent to the Fellows of the Royal Society) will qualify for full benefits as brightstylers under the Brightstyles Initiative. He goes even farther, hinting, "Though at present they can't admit it and get elected, the US Congress is full of such people." He suggests America is basically "full of closet brightstylers and that the more that come out, the easier it will be for others to do so." His suggestion that children should be "free to choose their own cosmology and ethics without society's impertinent presumption that you will automatically inherit the religion of your parents" will be incorporated into the Brightstyles Initiative. Dawkins added, "We'd be aghast to be told of a Leninist child or a neo-conservative child or a Hayekian monetarist child. So, isn't it a kind of child abuse to speak of a Catholic child or a Protestant child? Especially in Northern Ireland and Glasgow where such labels, handed down over generations, have divided neighborhoods for centuries and can even amount to a death warrant?"

Many will be quite surprised to learn of this wide-ranging health care system reform. Given the president's faith-based efforts, it seems a remarkable turnaround toward a more democratic, secular and free America.

Be well. Look on the bright side, and the "brightstyle" of life.

(Note: This essay will be filed in the archives in the MEANING DOMAIN under the skill area of humor. Additional articles related to this theme may be found there.)

(Ed. Note: Views expressed in this and other columns are those of the author and not necessarily those of the SeekWellness Editorial Board.)

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