don's report archive

by Donald B. Ardell, Ph. D.

Wellness in the Headlines
(Don's Report to the World)

The following item appeared in the St. Pete Times on May 6 in a column by Ernest Hooper entitled "Racing in the Buff; Dancing to A Dream."

No, I didn't forget him. In updating readers on what the former mayoral candidates are doing now, I did not forget about Don Ardell. In fact, it can be argued that Ardell's interesting activities deserve to stand alone because none of the other candidates is running around naked, as far as I know. Ardell, however, did just that on Sunday, participating in the Dare to Go Bare 5k at Lake Como Resort. Ardell said it's something he probably would have avoided if he had won the election, but can you imagine the headlines if "Mayor Ardell" ran that race? How about, "Government in the sunshine?" Or maybe, "Hizzonor lets it all hang out?" Ardell continues to give keynote addresses around the country, and he writes a daily essay on wellness at his Web site. Former mayoral candidate Frank Sanchez recently received a bicycle and a few training tips from Ardell. Really, Ardell has never stopped racing. He finished second in his age group at the recent St. Anthony's Triathlon.

Poor Bill Bennett. The dour and corpulent, self-righteous and pompous, right-wing (not that I'm being critical) Catholic fundamentalist has taken a serious PR hit with revelations of an unfortunate multi-million dollar gambling addiction. I don't mean to go easy on him (Michael Kinsley described Bennett as "smug, disdainful and intolerant") but I'm just too nice a guy to be critical. In any event, it turns out self-discipline and greed avoidance were not among his personal virtues. I wonder how Bennett would have responded if, during the last administration, revelations of similar gambling by President Clinton had come to light? Would he have engaged in a bit of schadenfreude (joy in the suffering of others?) Let's hope not.

No matter. Compassion, along with an "affirmative attitude" (and autonomy, intelligence, self-respect, creativity, high motivation, joie de vivre, good health and exuberance) are qualities that deserve emulation as "the ethical excellences." The latter might be a secular alternative for those who can see the shortcomings in Bennett's virtues, as espoused in his many books on such (including but not limited to The Book of Virtues, More Virtuous Virtues, Virtues for Dummies, The Chicken Soup of Virtues, Virtues for Cats and Dogs, and so on.) Thus, I will not be too hard on bilious Bill for squandering eight million or so of the dollars he raked in from writing all these pious books and from the lecture circuit where he would scold devout true believers for a variety of sins ("overvaluing unrestricted personal liberty, a failure to deny the quest for instant gratification, insufficient moral criticism of homosexuality," for examples) for a cool $50 thousand per sermon.

In any event, I for one am willing to look the other way, in part because of my fondness for "the ethical excellences" noted above that include compassion, and in part because of a unique opportunity that has come my way from Mr. Bennett. It seems that the virtue guy has divined a unique form of atonement involving a wellness-related publicity stunt. Mr. Bennett explained his proposal in a call to me last Tuesday, May 06, 2003. I readily accepted. The stunt is, in part, an attempt to divert attention from his current image problems but also is designed by Mr. Bennett to generate the self-motivation to get into better shape (physically as well as virtue-wise.) Big Bill got the idea for this stunt reading Ernest Hooper's column in the St. Pete Times quoted at the head of this essay. Given that I have enjoyed less exposure (in some ways) than Mr. Bennett has, I readily agreed to be a part of a scheme Mr. Bennett hopes will recapture some lost respectability.

Here's Bennett's challenge. On July 18, he and I will do our own private Dare To Go Bare 5K at Lake Como Resort. Spectators can attend, but they will have to pay $10 each. Mr. Bennett is giving odds of 5 to 1 that, given my advanced age, he will not finish more than a mile behind. All proceeds will go to Mr. Bennett's favorite charity, Gamblers Anonymous.

Of course, with the lack of virtuous people out there, it's possible that the person who phoned in this challenge lied. Maybe he was NOT Bill Bennett, but only an impostor. I prefer to think the caller really was Big Bill, that he's ready to lose some of that blubber and that he has a better sense of humor than his books, lectures and public appearances over a lifetime would suggest.

I'll keep you posted. Meanwhile, stay well and try to always look on the bright side of life.

(Note: This essay will be filed in the archives in the MEANING DOMAIN under the skill area of humor. Additional articles related to this theme may be found there.)

(Ed. Note: Views expressed in this and other columns are those of the author and not necessarily those of the SeekWellness Editorial Board.)

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