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Don's report archive

by Donald B. Ardell, Ph. D.
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Wellness in the Headlines
(Don's Report to the World)

Overview: Relationships

Tuesday February 18, 2003

It seems essential, in relationships and all tasks, that we concentrate only on what is most significant and important. SÃ¸ren Aaby Kierkegaard (1813-55), Danish religious philosopher

While it seems presumptuous to take on a mental giant like Kierkegaard, I have to admit that I find his line about relationships interesting but not necessarily valid, at least not insofar as MY relationships are concerned. I think it is important to attend to the details in relationships that are deemed important to the kind of life you want to enjoy -- and the folks who are best to have around for such a life. This is especially so with respect to the person who shares a bed with you, if you go in for that sort of thing. In such cases, EVERYTHING is significant and important, including a lot of things Kierkegaard might not have thought were such a big deal. I'll leave the examples to your imagination. The point here is that a good relationship is a complex art form that, in my view, invites concentration on a whole lot of things Kierkegaard might not think important but which, in fact, actually are.

From childhood all the way to the present time, you observed, experimented with, adopted and modified all manner of relationship skills, techniques and patterns for dealing with and basically charming others. It is impossible to be a healthy person if you cannot get along and thus function smoothly in a wide variety of social contexts. No doubt you learned long ago to be kind, gentle, positive, upbeat, forgiving, easy-going, interesting, sexy, hip, empathetic, romantic and, of course, loveable. These skills were needed in childhood and remain vital in later years for successful relationships. They were critical even when you were a tot but especially so for those memorable key challenges way back when puberty ruled, such as in high school when you had to score a date to the junior prom. Relationship skills no doubt served you well over the years in transactions with your children, other children, parents, spouse(s), significant others, co-workers, subordinates, bosses and so on. In years to come, relationship skills will still be useful when you interact with your neighbors in the nursing home (!)

There are 25 essays on relationships in our Archives. Surely some of these will be of interest. A few deal with children, honesty, longevity, mentoring, tolerance, marriage, obnoxious people and even King Lear! Enjoy.

Try to look on the bright side of life.

Domain: purpose
Subdomain: relationships

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