don's report archive
Wellness in the Headlines
(Don's Report to the World)
Tuesday October 8, 2002
This is the final essay in the three-part series about my wellness-oriented campaign strategies for winning the office of mayor of Tampa. At present, there are twenty separate initiatives. I already described 14 of them, seven last Friday and seven more yesterday. Here are the final six.
Strategy Fifteen: Seek a multitude of public debates!
Many civic groups are expected to hold these forums in any event, but an effort will be made to expand upon the idea.
Strategy Sixteen: Ask support of the fit for a city I seek to make fitter!
I will reach out to the health clubs, runners, triathletes, walkers and other exercise buffs and the everyday city employee heroes, such as the men and women of the fire and police departments, emergency service personnel and others who represent the epitome of wellness. I also will pledge to always use the steps and never the elevator at city hall, a symbolic commitment done not for its exercise value so much as to make the point that every opportunity for burning calories is worthy of consideration.
Strategy Seventeen: Contrast my candidacy from the rest!
So and so (names deleted in order to remain on the high road!) have many weaknesses, one of which they all share is being old school politicians. I will remind voters, in a nice and gentle way, of an inescapable truth, namely, that this campaign pits old Tampa establishment candidates versus yours truly running on behalf of traditionally underrepresented people, including large numbers of citizens who have not bothered to vote in the past (less than 25% of eligible voters cast ballots in the last mayoral election.)
Strategy Eighteen: Go for the age cohort and geographically diverse votes!
I will, of course, reach out to seniors. Advisors tell me I could be Claude Pepper, Colonel Sanders and Jack LaLanne all in one, for Tampa! -- I have mixed feelings about this juxtaposition and association.) I could cite citizens 64 years or older who have made major contributions to society, working their stories into my campaign message. There won't be a dry eye in the house! However, efforts will also be made to address high school and other youth groups given the nature of my mayoral agenda, as well as other identifiable local segments of the population. Assemble a campaign advisor team with a representative from each Tampa neighborhood and city department. Then organize the senior, teacher, municipal, military and other votes.
Strategy Nineteen: Revisit a few memorable phrases in US history!
I will be the candidate "of the people, for the people and by the people. "I'll say to voters, "Ask not what the city can do for you, ask what you can do for Tampa." Other, somewhat more original phrases will be entered into American history books via my usage in this campaign, such as "Vote Ardell to Keep Tampa Well."(Of course, people have to make/keep THEMSELVES well, though I will encourage them to do so.) Finally, maybe something like "Run With Ardell for Mayor -- Just try to keep up! (Probably not.)
Strategy Twenty: Last but not least, make unfamiliarity a virtue!
Tampa voters, like other Americans, like an underdog, especially if he IS likeable, tries hard and has great ideas separate and distinct from all the rest. I will suggest that while I have had to start off at only one percent in the polls, and that I raised no funds until six months before the election (versus hundreds of thousands raised by the others) and have the fewest number of political connections, least name awareness and have promised no special favors to anyone, I am first in having the capacity to put Tampa on the map as America's "wellest" and fittest city."
Strategies Foregone: A few outtakes are noted fyi and enjoyment. These strategies urged by some advisors will not be emphasized. More specifically, they will be avoided altogether.
1. "Play up public safety and military service," urged my advisors. I was not so sure about this one. I did serve three years in the military (USAF right after high school) playing on Air Force sports teams and attending college at night and was, at the end of my term, discharged honorably. However, I was neither a hero nor a victim (was not shot or otherwise made eligible for Purple Heart) and did not make the rank of general or admiral or anything close that would impress the voters. I'm afraid the military did more for me than I for it. I don't think this is one of my better talking points. As for the public safety, I suppose the public was a bit safer once I was no longer in the military.
2. Enter and win the Tampa Senior Games starting in October. This may be a way to capture the senior vote and it might be good to be pronounced the fittest senior and the most fit of all the candidates to RUN and inspire the city. However, doing so might annoy my defeated geezer competitors, thus driving them to the campaigns of my rivals! Thus, I might give this strategy element a pass.
3. Modify my campaign slogan -- substitute "wisest" or "most published " for oldest" and substitute "best educator able to unify, build consensus and make every vote count" for "prettiest." (Actually, I'm still partial to "prettiest!")
4. Pledge to always use the steps and never the elevator at city hall, a symbolic commitment done not for its exercise value so much as to make the point that every opportunity for burning calories is worthy of consideration. Unfortunately, a little research showed that the mayor's office is on the first floor.
5. Run through all Tampa neighborhoods towing a wagon with complimentary bottled water, the symbol of wellness. (I'm not of the view that bottled water is the symbol of wellness and I can't afford to give away that much bottled water, though it would be a neat idea if I could get Perrier on board as a sponsor -- even if the product is NOT the symbol of wellness. Further thought is required before I can state what IS or should be proposed as the symbol of wellness.)
Well, what do you think? Does this sound like the kind of campaign that would excite YOU and gain YOUR support? I hope so, for whether you live in Tampa or not, I want your backing for a wellness agenda and your advice if you care to offer any from now until March 4. (After that would be nice, too, but it won't help get me elected!) May the best man win, and may he be the oldest, fittest, fastest and yes, the prettiest of all the candidates.
Be well. Look on the bright side of life. I do, else I would never run for mayor. Or anything else!
(Ed. Note: Views expressed in this and other columns are those of the author and not necessarily those of the SeekWellness Editorial Board.)
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