don's report archive

by Donald B. Ardell, Ph. D.

Wellness in the Headlines
(Don's Report to the World)

"When I die, I want to go peacefully and quietly in my sleep, like my Grandfather did, not filled with fear and screaming like all those passengers in his car." Billboard

Endurance athletes take special notice when fellow competitors check out of this Earthly life while running, biking or swimming. Such deaths bring not only the usual sadness but reminders of our own mortality. A famous example was when Jim Fixx died while on a training run. Fixx was the author of a best-seller book on running in the late 70's. Many people remarked at the time, "He died doing what he loved." I have heard this phrase many times when athletes die training or competing. I heard it a lot recently when my friend Jim Ward, the oldest man to finish the Hawaii Ironman, fell dead off his bike due to a heart attack during a training ride. This phrase has become an almost predictable reflection. When I hear of a person dying while exercising, I wait for the moment when someone tries to look on the bright side by observing, "Well, he died doing what he loved."

Just a few days ago, a member of my triathlon club in the Tampa/St. Petersburg area died in the midst of a swim workout. A story in the St. Petersburg Times by Candace Rondeaux described the incident: "One minute, Robert Ray, 54, was laughing and joking as he swam a 50-meter sprint at North Shore Pool...Suddenly, he grabbed the lane rope. The lifeguard leaned down, said 'Robert Ray are you okay?' And he said 'no,' and he just fell in the water face first. A few minutes later, Ray died of a heart attack." A few paragraphs down, the story concluded with a quote from Rose Marie, Ray's wife: "He died doing what he loved best: swimming and exercising."

Personally, I am not so anxious to die doing what I love. The things I most enjoy are activities quite different from running, biking and swimming. In my opinion, running, biking and swimming are not well suited to one's last living moments. Dying does not always take very long, anyway, so how important is it to die doing what you love? Of course, death CAN take a long time, such as when it occurs under the dreadful circumstances of a chronic, painful disease that is treated much too long in a major hospital teaching complex with lots of medical students around learning how to draw blood, do tests, practice invasive procedures and so on.

I asked a friend about this, a writer who is also a competitive runner. He had seen the newspaper story I mentioned, above. He wrote, "I just saw that yesterday...One thing I'm tired of seeing is the ole 'He died doing what he loved' quote from a friend. Shit, if I do this, please, please don't tell anyone I died doing what I loved doing. I run/bike to make the REAL stuff I love doing better: playing with my kid and hanging out with my wife and friends."

Just so. I understand the warm and loving nature of this phrase. I think it basically means the deceased was living the good life, in a disciplined and healthy, vigorous fashion that along with other wonderful qualities of his nature gave extra meaning and consequence to his existence. It does not literally mean that he died doing what he loved. If someone knew he was going to die in a few seconds, minutes or hours, or days for that matter, I don't think he would spend any of those precious remaining moments running, swimming or biking. I know I would not. These exercises are a means to an end-nothing more. Among other things I love doing is sleeping soundly with a clear conscience while having pleasant dreams -- if I die doing that, it would be fine with me if someone said, "Don died doing what he loved!" Yet, who could know what I was dreaming? Maybe I was having a nightmare!

Macho guys sometimes joke about how, when they die, they want to be making love at an advanced age with a young goddess type. Politically correct types might say, "I want to die making love with my wife." Not me. Either scenario would be a bummer for the partner. Do I want some woman, whether a goddess or my wife (is there any difference?) remembering me as the dead guy she had to untie? (Kidding.)

And, I don't want to die while running, riding a bike, swimming in a pool/lake or ocean. In fact, and here comes the bottom-line on all of this, I don't want to focus on what I might be doing or what someone else I cared about was doing at the end. What matters, it seems to be, is living life fully MOST of the time or at least as much as possible. When you die, let them reflect on the fact that you lived in a manner consistent with your values, principles, joys and delights. When it's over, that's how you'll be remembered. Rather than note how you died, they might say something like, "He had a good life. He was a good guy." Of course, it does not matter what anyone says, in a cosmic sense, or insofar as you are concerned, since you'll be dead. My advice is don't spend time worrying or wondering about such things. Just go about your business and your pleasures, try to be of some service to others, be well and always look on the bright side of life.

(Note: This essay will be filed in the archives in the MENTAL DOMAIN under the skill area of emotional intelligence. Additional articles related to this theme may be found there.)

(Ed. Note: Views expressed in this and other columns are those of the author and not necessarily those of the SeekWellness Editorial Board.)

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