don's report archive

by Donald B. Ardell, Ph. D.

Wellness in the Headlines
(Don's Report to the World)

Is there a wellness perspective on the scandals that plague the Roman Catholic Church, in general, and the Boston archdiocese of that Church, in particular? Yes, and since we at SeekWellness.com believe that important and controversial topics should be embraced and addressed, not avoided, I'm pleased to offer such a view. I believe a wellness perspective should identify the best ways to promote healing and reconciliation. In addition, such a self-managing mindset should lead to the prevention of problems in the future AND point the way to a positive outlook. That is, a wellness take on a crisis or problem should look to attitudes and behaviors that inspire and guide those involved (those who see themselves as "victimized") to move on in positive, health-enhancing directions.

Does this make sense? Can a wellness outlook serve in this fashion to make things better for those who choose to adopt such a perspective? Yes, I believe so. What about you? Think that is possible?

I know that this is ambitious, but the nature of a wellness approach to life is not to settle for coping strategies. Instead, a wellness seeker will, based on personal responsibility, learn the facts and accept the nature of current realities (assess the damage done, in other words) and then look for ways to move on. The main goal should be to learn ways to experience the greatest degree of well-being and joy possible in life. Terrible things happen, many of them unfair and unfathomable, but in time and as soon as possible, the key is to adapt and then try to prosper.

For starters, for the benefit of readers who ignore current events or have been on the moon, I'll summarize the sex abuse scandals involving the Roman Catholic Church, in general, and the Boston archdiocese, in particular.

In the last week or so, church leaders in Boston agreed to pay over $100 million to 86 victims of a single, defrocked priest named John J. Geoghan, who has been sentenced to prison for sex crimes with parishioners over the course of decades.

In addition, the archdiocese has turned over to prosecutors the names of another one hundred or so priests accused of sexual misconduct with minors. At least 86 local victims will receive, on average, about $500,000 each, according to one newspaper account. An additional 36 persons who are parents of abused children or individuals to whom Geoghan exposed himself will receive lesser, undisclosed amounts.

The first reaction I had to all this was, "Where does a church get this kind of money?" How will it pay $100 million? Will it come from insurance policies? (One local commentator dismissed this possibility, saying, "What is this, pedophile insurance?") The sale of church property? (Is there a market for churches?) Loans and or donations from wealthy benefactors? (Peter Lynch, the former mutual fund manager and vice chairman of Fidelity Management, already gave $10 million.) From the Vatican? (No, money flows the other way, that is, TO the Vatican.) Maybe from a recent $300 million fund-raising effort? (At present, 16,000 donors had pledged $170 million, although 50 had canceled their pledges.)

Despite what seems like a lot of money, those involved (victims) tell reporters that "the healing has only begun," that the settlements are for pain and suffering and that the payments are, as one victim noted at a press conference, "blood money, not happy money." Of course, the payoffs will not end the church's problems, not even in the Boston area. At least one hundred more alleged victims of priests have since come forward, and more are expected. The attorneys and church officials involved in the settlements have gone to great pains to say nice things about those awarded payments, emphasizing that they "deserve and need our full support and prayers." However, full support and prayers obviously were not enough, given the amount of money involved.

Wherever the funds come from, you have to be impressed by the power of faith. Imagine the difficulties of raising funds in the face of almost daily disclosures of child sexual abuse by local priests. The details of the sexual abuse have not been reported and I suspect most do not want to know, but some of the settlements are for what seem like less than horrendous crimes, such as exposure or flashing. Of course, such behavior by any adult, let alone a priest, is awful, illegal and otherwise disgraceful, but, is it a $500,000 offense? I don't know -- what do you think?

I am something of an expert on the Catholic Church, having attended its schools for the first twelve of my educational years. I was never abused by a priest, nun or Christian Brother, so I have no personal claim to victimhood. However, for $500,000 or even a "lesser undisclosed sum," I might have volunteered to be flashed now and then. Alas, no such offers were ever tendered. Today, my rates are bargain basement by comparison with the settlements: $5 for male flashers; women can flash me for nothing.)

I mention this to emphasize that I bear no grudges against the Church for any form of sexual abuse. I encountered none as a child from any priests or anyone else (though rumors were rampant about one of the priests in my West Philadelphia parish.) However, I am a bit miffed that in all those years, I never was exposed to the kind of ideas that should have been brought to my attention, such as the nature of evolution, other religions (or no religion at all) and sex education. We did have so much as a program promoting sexual abstinence -- the Church educators apparently assumed that we never had such thoughts. As far as I knew at the time, there was no such thing as sex from which I was supposed to abstain! When, sometime during the sixth grade, I started to go through puberty, I thought I had invented something.

In any event, that is all background. Now let me move to the wellness perspective on this topic. What good might come of this?

One local Catholic priest tried to put a positive spin on the crisis, saying, "It is providing an opportunity to talk about the broader issues of the church." That's a good start. Among the broader issues might be a review of whether celibacy is still (if it ever were) a good idea. Maybe the crisis will lead to reforms that prevent future cover-ups. Maybe there will be changes in the "culture of secrecy" that some Boston Catholics deplore. Maybe there will be a greater role granted women in the church and/or more leadership by lay Catholics. Maybe. These are not my primary concerns personally or as a wellness promoter. My wellness perspective on all this is directed toward those who received the abuse, including those awarded money (along with "full support and prayers.") How might a wellness perspective help them move ahead with their lives in positive ways? Here are tips that could be applicable to anyone who, for good cause or otherwise, feels victimized:

• Don't think of yourself as a victim. Doing so is a form of "woe-is-me," a self-pity orientation that supports a sense of helplessness, low self-esteem and blaming others. Choose not to see yourself as a victim, even if you WERE victimized at some point earlier in life.
• Take care of your body. It is always important to your health, your personal sense of self, your energy level and your power as a person to be fit, but it is even MORE vital when dealing with a crisis. Take time for exercise, eat well and go out of your way to have fun, among other wellness initiatives.
• Remind yourself that it is not the event or circumstance that matters as much as how you choose to view and deal with it. Choose to deal with past abuse in a constructive fashion. Move forward. Don't dwell on what has already happened.
• Reject guilt. You don't need to feel guilty for anything you did or did not do, or for what might have happened to you. Respect yourself, discipline your inner dialogue to remain positive and nourish yourself with a quest for new learning, adventure and supportive environments.
• Practice bemused skepticism. Resolve to be less trusting of authorities and more critical of convention. Just because some institution has been around a long time does not mean it is immune from decay and corruption. Ask yourself if the institutions you grew up with still serve the kind of independent, freethinking adult you are or want to become.
• Finally, don't take yourself, the Church, the abuse, the slings and arrows of an outrageous fortune or too much of anything else, including yourself, too seriously. Try to lighten up, accept the fact (to borrow a phrase from George M. Cohen) that "life's a very funny proposition after all" and make the most of it in a constructive fashion.

Well, there you have it. My wellness perspective on the latest Catholic sexual abuse scandal. What do you think of this perspective? Any suggestions? As always, I'd love to hear from you.

Be well and look on the bright side of life.

(Note: This essay will be filed in the archives in the MENTAL DOMAIN under the skill area of mental health. Additional articles related to this theme may be found there.)

(Ed. Note: Views expressed in this and other columns are those of the author and not necessarily those of the SeekWellness Editorial Board.)

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