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by Donald B. Ardell, Ph. D.
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Denial: Sometimes A Good Fantasy Can Be Just the Thing. Sometimes. Sometimes It's Not!

Sunday March 10, 2002

Maybe you've heard the reference to someone suspected of being in denial as a descendant of Egyptian royalty? That is, the person is king/queen of De-Nile! Few psychologists or other mental health experts have kind words for denial. Just the same, I'd like to offer a few. (By the way, this won't be the first time: You can read another essay on this theme from May 26, 2001 entitled "An Alternative to Denial-Positive Affirmal!")

Momentary denial can serve several useful functions, including that of an entirely suitable temporary stress fix. It also affords a dose of positive feelings that can enable the continuation of an upbeat wellness lifestyle, even under circumstances of a rather dreadful nature. Provided, that is, you don't take denial too seriously and hold on to this variant of wishful thinking beyond a certain fantasy expiration date.

Years ago, a study was conducted involving families with children dying of cancer. The researchers looked at denial in the form of faith expectations, that is, hopes for miracles through prayer and other religious activities. As you know from recent essays about something called "intercessory prayer," I'm a bit of a skeptic about the prospects of such interventions. Yet, I have a lot of respect for the merits of community support and the advantages of optimism even in the absence of supernatural intervention. The cancer family study led investigators to the conclusion that, during a prolonged crisis, family members were MORE likely to recover IF they believed a happy ending was possible. One study does not a scientific fact make, but this is intriguing stuff.

Denial can, of course, take secular as well as religious forms; in the study, the expectation was that a divine, benevolent force would look after the children. This interpretation was found effective in keeping everyone on a positive emotional track -- at least initially. After children died, however, the families that held up best were those whose members did NOT turn to an "invisible means of support!" Those who did not buy into any grand plan or benevolent force idea but were optimistic and expected positive things would happen did better, whether or not the children died! That's denial at its best, from a health perspective! Over a longer period, such families experienced less conflict and fewer adverse symptoms of stress and other health problems than the others.

The lesson seems to be that denial is OK and sometimes better than facing reality during a crisis, but it may not serve as well over the long pull, particularly if crises are not resolved positively. Unfortunately, the immediate, desirable effect of denial usually reinforces the tendency to continue to self-delude, so you have to know when, to borrow a phrase from Willie Nelson, to hold and when to fold such hopes. The biggest danger might be that permanent denial is reinforced when things DO turn out well, which happens as often as not. This reinforcement makes it difficult for some people to find a functional balance between effective versus dysfunctional denial. I suppose the bottom line is that we do need our delusions (which are often perceived at the time as great insights) -- and what are delusions if not a form of denial?

So, choose your fantasies -- but don't fall in love with them. Know that they serve a useful function -- for a while. No matter how contingent, unpredictable and essentially incomprehensible our world really is, we seem to be hardwired as a species to see patterns, grasp explanations and reject ambiguity. As long as we have some insight into this, we can be pleasant, tolerant, generally stay on course and be as well as possible -- whether life turns out as we want or not.

What's your take on artful or selective denial? Your comments are always enjoyed, appreciated and attended (answered, in other words.)

Domain: purpose
Subdomain: humor

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