don's report archive

by Donald B. Ardell, Ph. D.

Wellness in the Headlines
(Don's Report to the World)

Yesterday I discussed the mentoring process, an activity that some in the wellness field promote as a way to encourage and support others to adopt and sustain healthier lifestyles. I noted that asking questions was one of the many techniques that mentors use to build trust, obtain valuable information and support those with whom they are in mentoring relationships. I asked one of the leaders of this movement within the larger wellness movement, namely my good friend Judd Allen, to list his favorite questions.

Judd said he likes to model the responses first and then invite others to join in. Then he listed questions that in his experience go a long way towards building a positive relationship and which, in groups, develop a sense of community.

• Places you have lived in your life?
• A major change you have made in your life?
• One thing others would need to know in order to understand you better?
• A childhood experience that has had a lasting effect on you?
• A person who has had an important impact on you?
• How you happened to choose your present work?
• An experience you've had recently that has made a significant impression on you?
• An obstacle you've had to overcome?
• A personal achievement?
• Your hobbies and/or special interests?

These seem like excellent questions for mentoring purposes. Dr. Allen's questions are particularly useful for people starting a new mentoring relationship among coworkers or fellow students. If asked to list questions I would put to someone being mentored, I'd go with queries of a more intimate or personal nature. That's probably because I rather enjoy invading someone's personal privacy, in a sweet and caring way, of course! After all, the other person is free to note that such questions are none of my business, which they surely are not! Yet, such questions can sometimes help people come to know each other quickly and, under the best of conditions, can be quite effective. In any event, just to offer a bit of a contrast from Dr. Allen's probes, here are the areas I like to explore:

• Favorite DRBU equivalent experiences? (Yes, I'd explain what a DBRU is!)
• Your best sexual experience ever?
• Your most embarrassing sexual experience ever?
• Your ideas about religions and/or a god or gods -- and if these ideas are in any way different from those held and imparted by your parents?
• Things you don't normally talk about with other people?
• Someone you admire very much, and why?
• One thing your parents did right and one thing they messed up big time, if anything?
• What you have concluded so far about the meaning of life, if any?
• What you would like to think your friends, relatives and others might say about you when you die?
• Something about yourself you would NEVER tell ANYONE, including me? (This is a trick question!)

I realize that a tendency to ask such questions might make me the last person some folks would want to have as a mentor, but I do like to get to the heart of things. What about you? If you were going to mentor someone, what kinds of questions would you ask to build trust, obtain information and support the person you are mentoring?

Be well, have fun and always look on the bright side of life.

(Note: This essay will be filed in the archives in the MEANING DOMAIN under the skill area of relationships. Additional articles related to this theme may be found there.)

(Ed. Note: Views expressed in this and other columns are those of the author and not necessarily those of the SeekWellness Editorial Board.)

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