Don's report archive
Wellness in the Headlines
(Don's Report to the World)
A Wellness-Oriented Computer Virus Protection Program
A computer virus is basically a brief but rogue computer program usually designed to distribute multiple copies of itself to other computers. This is bad enough but, unfortunately, these computers usually belong to your friends and/or best customers! It is not good for your friendships or your business when these messages, seemingly from you, severely disrupt the functioning of every computer to which your e-mail address book just sent a (poisonous) greeting. This is also injurious to your personal wellness program, as the virus emanating from your computer usually will cause stress and a disruption in your schedule of workouts and leisure activities. As you struggle to help everyone adapt to the challenges you have created, you will face another test of the quality of your relationships. Also put to the wellness test will be the emotional intelligence, decision-making ability, mental health and sense of humor of everyone involved.
In other words, a computer virus IS a wellness issue, in a negative sort of way, as are all sudden, unexpected and especially undesirable changes.
As you probably know, but I'll mention it briefly just to be sure, a computer virus usually attaches or inserts itself to or in an executable file or the boot sector (the area that contains the first instructions executed by a computer when it is started or restarted) of a disk. While some viruses are merely disruptive, others can destroy or corrupt data or cause an operating system or applications program to malfunction. Most of us try to practice "safe computing;" we know that viruses are spread via floppy disks, networks, on-line services and e-mail attachments and we take suitable precautions. While we don't exchange cyber intimacies with just anyone whom we don't know pretty well, the fact is there are several thousand computer viruses out there, and on average (I'm told), three to five new strains are discovered every day. Therefore, we take precautions with expensive software programs that detect viruses and we build firewalls and so on, but despite it all, we realize that the virtual world, like the real one, is filled with dangers and that caution is a sensible watchword.
All of which leads me to ponder aloud if the world might not be ready for a wellness-oriented computer virus protection program. One reason I wonder about this is because I have noticed there are a lot of gullible computer users, just as there are many gullible health care consumers. The latter are those who, lacking sufficient critical thinking skills, buy too many pills, visit too many quack practitioners and adopt too many wacky ideas about healing and staying well. Gullible computer users are those folks who prove easy marks for urban legends and a variety of viral hoaxes. Both the legends and the hoaxes are widely distributed on a daily basis. One expert remarked, "No one can legitimately guess the number of duped users out there, but we do know the level of virus hysteria ebbs and flows like ocean waves." In addition to the varied urban legend websites, such as http://www.snopes2.com/, virus hoax sites such as http://www.vmyths.com should be visited when in doubt about the veracity or reliability of a viral warning.
With viruses going around, most people are probably afraid to open attachments unless accompanied by a personal snail mail letter notarized and sealed with accompanying letters of approval from the Governor of the State from which the attachment emanated. What's more, many fear to tread, electronically speaking, to bulletin boards, unfamiliar websites or, Heavens to Betsy, to borrow software programs. (The latter is not such a bad thing, since doing so is illegal, anyway.)
Now, having introduced all this background, I must ask if you have heard of the latest virus, a powerful and menacing, virulent contagion stalking the unwary user? Wait till you hear about this! I refer to the Worseness Virus, the rogue program that will bypass your regular software, enter your bloodstream via your fingertips, move through your brain and go right to your extremely personal pleasure center -- and erase all your most intimate feel good sensors!
Pass the word. There's only one way to protect against it. Keep a religious icon of your choice, a silver bullet dipped in tofu and a copy of 14 DAYS TO WELLNESS (or the latest issue of the ARDELL WELLNESS REPORT) taped to the side of your computer.
Actually, you really just need the book or the WELLNESS REPORT. I added the religious icon for the devout types, the bullet for the gun lobby and the tofu for the holistics. Furthermore, I didn't want to seem as if I am simply tooting my own horn by implying that the book alone will do the trick. Which it will, but only if the computer user reads it and thinks and behaves in a manner consistent with the self-management principles described therein.
All the best. Be well and please - look on the bright side of life.
Domain: purposeSubdomain: humor
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