don's report archive

by Donald B. Ardell, Ph. D.

Wellness in the Headlines
(Don's Report to the World)

I receive a lot of visitor mail in response to the daily "Don's Reports." Some of the commentaries are more interesting than the essays that provoked them! The one essay that generated more response than any other, including those addressed to a wellness perspective on the tragic events of September 11 and even last week's piece on wellness and evolution, was the essay suggesting that balance was a sacred cow of self-management and much over-rated. With the gracious permission of the authors, I'm sharing a sampling of the commentaries sent in response to this essay. Enjoy.

* (From Melissa) Don--I totally agree that "balance" is an incredibly nebulous word. However, it is interesting to me how a religion has nourished and sustained an entire culture on this concept for thousands of years. I am no expert on Buddhism, nor a follower of this faith, but I do find the underlying premises of this faith intriguing. One of my favorite quotes is from the Tao Te Ching - "It is the clay that shapes the pot, but it is the emptiness inside that is useful to us." (The quote of course differs based on who translates it.) The simple idea that there are "opposites" (or complementaries, as I like to call them) that support a single unit...I can't explain it, I guess. I think I like how that makes me feel. And, to me, that is balance. Maybe balance is such an individual word that it makes it hard to define for a large group. What's more, could it be that balance seems too boring because of the simple fact that we are so unbalanced that we cannot see the beauty in peace and calmness? Those are my five-minute ruminations on your thoughts. Hope you are well (in whatever way you choose to define it) and finding balance today. Peace.

* (From Lenore) Hi Don -- Thanks for the essay on balance - I had never thought about it in your terms before. I do feel better now about never having achieved it!

* (From Andy) Don -- I enjoyed your essay on balance. I have known several high performance, high achievers in my life and at times have also fancied myself one. Balance is never part of high achieving. Go to the Olympic Training Center and you'll find the most out of balance people you could ever find(!) -- people who forsake all other aspects of health for their sport and their goals. Emotionally, socially, vocationally, even physically they are often very unhealthy. It's the price they pay for achievement.

If you balanced your home life, work life, and sporting life you would never become a great father and husband, a full partner of your firm, nor the winner of any but the most pale and unchallenging of sporting events. When I was a bike racer and was winning state and national medals I spent more time working out than working. When I was in grad school pursuing my doctorate I did not exercise as much as I should have, ate poorly, slept very little, and I was a bear to live with -- all of it was necessary and all of it was temporary. Now, I often goof off and neglect work, family and friends far more than I should when a certain sport season comes around such as when the ducks are flying or the kokanees are biting. There are times when the job demands more time than the family and times when the job is not as important as a cub scout meeting. The fact is, I'm rarely balanced at any one time.

Here's my viewpoint on balance: wellness is not a static state of being -- it's a dynamic process of being. Throughout our lives we are in and out of balance, we give some aspects of our health more time and energy than others. This is how we achieve great things. The key is to discover what one needs to focus on and what one needs to neglect for what period of time and to what end. Is the price paid worth the gains? Did you spend the right amount of precious time and energy on the right goal? Can you reflect back on accomplishments and say, "That was the right thing for me to be doing at the right time in my life and the sacrifices were an equitable trade for the benefits reaped in the end?" In a nutshell, one needs to look at the whole of one's lifetime for balance, not one particular day.

* (From Staci) Don - loved this one! I like the new idea of balance. I'm done seeking it - now I'm looking for pleasurable goals! Have a great weekend.

* (From Susan) Dr. Thank you for putting to words what I have felt SO long about this issue! I work in public health now, but used to do wellness work with college students (and hope to again, one day). I could never figure out where the 'balance' idea came from, what it actually means, or why we in this field so intrinsically accept it as 'good' and the only way to teach students to be and model for them (or pretend to).

I learned much about the fallacy of balance from my partner. She is what most people would call a 'workaholic'. She puts in a full day at the office, then comes home, has dinner with me, takes a walk around the neighborhood, and goes right back to work. Why? Because she LOVES it! It fulfills her, and she finds most of her purpose on this planet in her work. I had to take a really long, hard look at why I was always harping on her to have 'more balance', which I couldn't even really define, let alone describe. I just felt like anyone who works 13 hours a day can't possibly be happy. Poppycock! She's about as happy and fulfilled, calm and rational, as anyone I know. She has no 'spiritual' component to her life, and many of the other 'wellness' wheel areas are woefully unattended to in her day to day. But she's healthy and happy, so who am I or anyone else to judge?

We all make decisions about divvying up our time and energy in ways that feel best for us. Maybe for some of us that's attending to many different areas of development, and for some of us, it's being REALLY focused on excellence in one or two areas (as you suggest). The point is, it differs for all of us, and we should support each other in figuring out how we can do what we want/need to do to feel actualized with minimal imposition of outside values.

I guess it's the libertarian approach to wellness!

Anyway, I am in your camp. Thanks for speaking up: I'm sure you'll hear from many dissenters with far too much invested in the balance thing. Hopefully, they'll see they don't have to feel threatened by your new way of thinking. Wellness is still important; there are just many other ways to think of the configuration of it.

*(From Bill) Don. Balance is easier for some than for others. I'm sure there is a multiple regression equation that includes number of dependants, real and imagined professional responsibilities, personal goals and objectives, Amazing Grace Equivalents (AGE's), not to be confused with DBRU's, obligations to parents, alive and dead, pushups and sit-ups and laps around the track still owed to former coaches for misbehaviors not observed, donuts eaten and ignored, and 1759 other variables.

Once we have plugged in the information in all required fields, we will get a BS. Of course, that would be your "Balance Score." If you are perfect, you get a BS of 100%. If there is room for maximum improvement, you get a BS of 0%. Most of us are somewhere in-between. Please work out the remedial course requirements and publish them in a future "Don's Report."

With feedback like that, I'd be willing, if necessary, to do this job for nothing! Be well and look on the bright side of life.

(Note: This essay will be filed in the archives in the MENTAL DOMAIN under the skill area of emotional intelligence. Additional articles related to this theme may be found there.)

(Ed. Note: Views expressed in this and other columns are those of the author and not necessarily those of the SeekWellness Editorial Board.)

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