don's report archive

by Donald B. Ardell, Ph. D.

Wellness in the Headlines
(Don's Report to the World)

Everyday is special, naturally enough, but some days are very special, every year, because of something that occurred on these particular days once upon a time, however long ago. Today, for example, is one of these very special days, because it’s my birthday. Others, for me, are July 27, August 2, January 25, December 2, July 4, December 7 and November 22. The first five of these dates are joyful birthdays, namely, those of my girlfriend, former spouse, son, daughter and country; the last two are historical dates of an unhappy nature (Pearl Harbor and the Kennedy Assassination) that always prompt reflections of these traumatic occasions earlier in life. (Much earlier in the case of Pearl Harbor; while it did not make a big impression on me at the time -- I was three, it certainly does each December, especially this year given the publicity attendant on the Disney movie and the upcoming fortieth anniversary of the event.)

Of course, we only get so many days like this, my nativity celebration, so while everybody is singing “Happy Birthday,” there are times when I wonder, if only for a moment, how many more of these occasions might I have left? While nobody can know, assuming there are no plots against me, the question itself invites a bit of reflection about the end of life, or what could be called my “deathday?” Of course, I shudder just a little at the thought -- the culture of which I'm a part does not encourage me to ponder such a thing. In fact, I don’t believe the word deathday appears in the English language! (It might, but I have not heard it used!)

So, a practical self-management type of question might be, “Is dying a wellness issue, in one form or another?” Is it healthy to think about it, and if so, to what degree? The route to a quick response, in my view, is to ask a related question, namely, “Are self-responsibility, freedom, truth, dignity, honesty and the pursuit of happiness wellness issues?” If you think so, then you probably consider dying as another vital issue, as it is at least as prominent! Still, most of us are quite pleased to put the matter out of mind as long as possible. A wellness lifestyle, a pattern of living that consists of examined and conscious choices for a life graced with meaning, service, satisfaction and achievement should, as far as I’m concerned, include some consideration about the nature if not the precise timing of one's departure. Do you agree?

The alternative is to delegate responsibility for managing your death to someone else or, more likely, to a business (in other words, to agents of the health care system). If you have been watching the hit HBO series “Six Feet Under” about a dysfunctional family in the funeral business, you probably don’t want to delegate to excess!

At present, the last six months of existence (what Arthur Caplan calls "the edges of life") consume one-third of the U.S. Medicare budget. The existence of technologies not long ago unimagined, the urgent need for medical cost control, and unresolved, possibly unresolvable ethical debates, make personal consideration of the wellness way to die timely and vital, at least for individuals who wish to control their own destiny to the extent possible, other things being more or less the same.

I’m often asked, “What do you think about Kevorkian?” I like him, but Kevorkian is not the issue. What matters most are the issues Kevorkian brought to public awareness, and how are resolved by our society as well as personally. The biggest of all these issues, I believe, is how do YOU want to deal with the process of your death, if not your deathday, when the last birthday draws near. Even Saroyan suspected as much when he lamented: "I know death is inevitable, but I was hoping an exception could be made in my case."

Whatever your assessment of Kevorkian, you must admit that his great contribution was to provoke much reflection on the nature of dying. Many wellness-seekers have been stimulated to reflect on their last birthday, distant in time though most would like it to fall. The Kevorkian debate reminded us of something we’d rather put out of mind, namely, that we all have endings ahead yet to come, much sooner than most would like to admit. I know, not a cheerful thought.

If I had to choose a companion for MY deathday, it would not be Kevorkian, the Governor of Michigan or the others in that state who prosecuted him, the president, the Pope, a televangelist or a team of resuscitation experts. It would not necessarily be my girlfriend, beloved former spouse, son or daughter, either, though I would like plenty of time with these treasured people before checking out. I think I’ll choose, at the end, a few dancing girls and/or comedians, depending on my mood at the time, to help me blow out the candles on my deathday cake. Assuming that is, that the Devil or someone else does not show up at the last minute with some kind of Faustian-like bargain too good to refuse! Hey, at that point, as the song goes, what have I got to lose?

What are your favorite days, thoughts about a healthy approach to dying and other musings along these lines? I'd love to hear from you -- any day, including this one. Be well. Look on the bright side.

(Note: This essay will be filed in the archives in the PHYSICAL DOMAIN under the skill area of adaptations and challenges. Additional articles related to this theme may be found there.)

(Ed. Note: Views expressed in this and other columns are those of the author and not necessarily those of the SeekWellness Editorial Board.)

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