don's report archive

by Donald B. Ardell, Ph. D.

Wellness in the Headlines
(Don's Report to the World)

Being a rational person by training and disposition myself, and an advocate of bemused skepticism as a protection against being taken in by simplistic thinking, slick advertising, or other sources of biased information, I was much amused by a recent parody of pompous profundities. The latter are the trademarks of guru writers, folks who churn out books filled with vague homilies that many folks looking for one-minute answers to complex issues take for great wisdom but which are, in my opinion at least, rather simpleminded platitudes.

The target could be Deepak Chopra, Steven Covey, Ken Blanchard or any number of best selling authors whose books some folks find profound and biblical, but which, from a more critical perspective, are rather empty of mental calories. I suppose I have served up a few empty calories myself over the years, now and then. But, of course, only to see if you were paying attention!

One of my favorite Saturday Night Live characters was Jack Handey, author of Deep Thoughts, Deeper Thoughts, and The Lost Deep Thoughts: Don't Fight the Deepness, a collection of humorous meditations that are really inspirational lunacy. Here are examples of deep thoughts:

My young son asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth -- that most of us go to hell and burn eternally -- but I didn't want to upset him. 

It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president's birthday, like they do for the queen in England. Of course, then we would have a lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long weekend. 

As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days saved up. 

It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got into an accident. No, wait. That would be good because if anyone needed it, the blood would be right there. 

Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money. 

For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's what happens to cheese when you leave it out. 

The only stupid question is the one that is never asked, except maybe, "Don't you think it is about time you audited my return?" Or, "Isn't it morally wrong to give me a warning when, in fact, I was speeding?" 

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of his life? 

If you really want to impress people with your computer literacy, add the words "dot com" to the end of everything you say, dot com. 

If we could just get everyone to close his/her eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started.

 

A sense of humor is a wonderful bulwark that protects to some degree against being swept overboard by silly and simplistic homilies. Just because something sounds good does not mean it is accurate or useful or in any way adaptable to the kind of decisions you have to make daily in a complex world with many variables and exceptions. 

Be vigilant, look on the light as well as the bright side, and be well.

(Note: This essay will be filed in the archives in the MEANING DOMAIN under the skill area of humor. Additional articles related to this theme may be found there.)

(Ed. Note: Views expressed in this and other columns are those of the author and not necessarily those of the SeekWellness Editorial Board.)

 Send e-mail to Don Ardell