Book: Aging Beyond Belief by Don Ardell

If you plan to age, prepare yourself — it's later than you think. The challenge of aging well should be taken seriously, but not grimly! Whatever your age, it's never too soon, or too late, to learn and apply the fine art of aging well, really well. Discover what aspects of aging can't be changed and improve the rest that can. Mold your own realities with REAL wellness, Ardell-style.

The 69 tips — one for each year of the author's life — are thought-provoking, challenging, eye-opening, manageable and fun to read. And all provide practical guidance for intelligently designing your own life-style evolution.
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by Donald B. Ardell, Ph. D.
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Wellness in the Headlines
(Don's Report to the World)

An Expanded List of Agreements to Make With Yourself

Tuesday March 27, 2001

I was reading a book review the other day that made me think of the "four agreements" written by Don Miguel Ruiz, a physician raised in rural Mexico by a curandera (healer) mother and a nagual (shaman) grandfather. Dr. Ruiz is famous for blending ancient ancestral wisdom called Toltec knowledge with modern medicine, all inspired by a near-death experience that changed his life. What I especially like about the agreements is that, in the best self-management tradition, they guide readers to personal freedom.

Anyway, the book review that led me to think of the "agreements" has nothing to do with healers or shamans. It's a book based upon the reflections of a famous sportscaster named Dick Schaap (Flashing Before My Eyes, William Morrow, NY). Schaap apparently knew just about everyone who was famous, or infamous, in the sports world, including Howard Cosell.

A one point, he faults Cosell for making himself part of every story, due to Cosell's belief that he was more important than the story and that his questions were more meaningful than the answers he elicited! As a result, Schaap said Cosell did more self-promoting than probing. At one point, Schaap tells of a time when Cosell commented to Red Smith, another famous reporter, "You know, there are fewer great sportscasters than one might think." Smith replied, "Howard, I know there is one fewer than you think."

Don't ask me why or how this anecdote reminded me of the "four agreements." The mind is a strange thing, and mine is especially strange. And, as Dan Quayle noted, a mind is a terrible thing to lose. But, the anecdote did somehow led me to reflect upon the good Don Miguel Ruiz' agreements, so all's well that ends more or less well.

Ruiz teaches that, first, be impeccable with your word. This entails a focus on honesty, clarity, kindness, love, and the avoidance of harsh words or gossip. Second, don't take things quite so personally. It's not about you, it's about the projections of others seeking to deal with their own realities. So, save yourself a lot of grief by adopting this impersonal perspective and thereby avoiding a lot of defensiveness. The third agreement deals with clarity and the avoidance of assumptions. Clear communications is a key pathway to emotional well-being, among other advantages. The fourth agreement is always do your best.

All of which seems like sound self-management advice to me that would do anyone a world of good. A pity Howard Cosell never read Don Miguel Ruiz. If he had, Dick Shaap's book might not have contained this stinging obituary: After his death, Cosell was greatly missed, but not greatly mourned.

Don't spend too much time fretting about whether you will be mourned or not, but consider the wisdom of these agreements and the extraordinary value and benefits of a self-managing lifestyle. And, of course, look on the bright side of life.

Domain: purpose
Subdomain: relationships

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