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Wellness in the Headlines
(Don's Report to the World)
Adolescent Stress
We are all more or less equally subject to stress, but adolescents may be "more equally" exposed to it than the rest of us. After all, they have fewer life experiences than adults and thus enjoy less perspective, which can mitigate the anxieties that go with stress.
Young adults are under intense pressure from parents, peers and society. These pressures include but are not limited to expectations to score good grades, to be popular and cool, to do well at athletics, to engage in income producing work, to manage financial demands on a tight budget, to achieve honors and awards, to pass constant tests, to deal with hazardous substances (alcohol and drugs) in a mature fashion, to maintain good relations with parents, to impress teachers, and to otherwise be a responsible young adult. And, all the while, somehow keep raging hormones in check or at least deal with these genetic forces in a manner that does not transgress social norms. Oh, and also be sure to avoid letting on that you know much about, let alone engage in such activities to one's parents!
Come to think of it, maybe adolescents probably are more equally subjected to stress. As noted, they certainly have less life experience to call upon than adults. Since most adults can't recall what it was like to be an adolescent, they are neither understanding nor patient with adolescents about these stresses.
So, what's an adolescent to do?
Further, what might parents of such a critters do to mitigate, control, or help adolescents manage the stresses of these difficult years? Assuming you are an adult, here is a partial self-management checklist for your consideration. More can be done, but these basics might be a good starting point if communicated artfully over the course of time (NOT in a single lecture). Look for "teachable moments" that come along, and work them into these varied contexts. Communicating stress management lessons successfully might save yourself and your kids a world of grief.
CHOOSE YOUR REACTIONS
Adolescents need to learn that they do have some choice in how much significance and emotional impact to assign to any given situation, including all those pressures noted earlier (to score good grades, do well at athletics, engage in income producing work, manage financial demands on a tight budget, achieve honors and awards, pass constant tests, deal with hazardous substances and so forth).
The wellness stress mantra remains as follows -- It is not events, circumstances, or pressures that cause stress but rather the way we choose to deal with and respond to events, circumstances, and pressures. Help adolescents to learn, as you did over time, not to overreact to life circumstances, events, and pressures. Of course, this is not the easiest lesson to teach or to adopt for yourself, as the temptations to do otherwise are overwhelming, at times. Just the same, adolescents can be helped to appreciate that we do have choices in this regard. It is so much harder for them to appreciate that such a choice exists given the fact of immaturity and all those demand loads. But, it can be done and it's worth the effort.
MAINTAIN PERSPECTIVE
Just because others are losing their heads over trivial or even matters of great national interest, remind your favorite adolescents about the benefits of a sense of proportion. Upsetting developments are usually not worth dying for, as one stress management expert discovered too late to avoid a heart attack!
While an event or circumstance may seem earth-shattering to your kids at the moment, the world will little care if Suzy goes to the prom with someone else, and in a few years Suzy will probably be unable to remember who went where with whom, let alone care in the slightest.
BE COOL ABOUT BEING COOL
Send this message in one form or another on more than one occasion: It would be fun to be the best dressed, most attractive, and smartest kid with the best body, most "stylin" wheels, and neatest personality but life does not work that way. Nobody has everything and while some seem to have a lot more than others, it's actually best to do the best you can with what you have, however pitiful it might seem during adolescence. There's more than a little wisdom in the title of that John Prine song, Dear Abby, especially the part about how you is what you is and you ain't what you ain't. No, it's not so grammatical but it's right on target.
WORK ON VALUES AND PURPOSES
Some things are more enduring than others. Quality of character and the nature of social skills as expressed in communications, problem solving, conflict resolution methods, perseverance, friendship, and other such humanistic qualities will have more affect upon mental health and life satisfaction than grades, schools attended, the number of opposite sex members impressed, or similar issues that seem of such galactic consequence during adolescence. As with the other lessons, this one can and should be expressed in different ways on many occasions.
MODEL WHAT YOU BELIEVE
No preaching -- try celebrating instead, that is, giving joyful expression as often as possible to an artful self-managing lifestyle. Adolescents will eventually value the eventual payoffs of wellness attitudes and habits as much as adults. Model such values as vigorous daily exercise, good nutrition, sufficient rest and recovery, effective life management, critical thinking, bemused skepticism, a highly developed and practiced sense of humor and play, a fascination with and openness to the continued quest for added meaning and purpose and adolescent stress won't amount to much.
Sounds good, doesn't it? Well, the theory is sound but can it be implemented? That depends. It depends on your commitment, your resources, a good bit of luck (for instance, that the adolescents you love and care for can stay out of harms way) and even genetics, to some degree. No guarantee in this matter, or in much else in this life. You do your best and hope for the same. Focus daily on exhibiting a strong sense of optimism. After all, the alternative (pessimism) is not known to be any more effective and is not nearly as emotionally satisfying.
And, if all this fails to lead to complete adolescent understanding at all times, well, consider these words of comfort from Erma Bombeck: "I firmly believe kids don't want your understanding. They want your trust, your compassion, your blinding love, and your car keys, but you try to understand them and you're in big trouble."
All the best. In general and especially with adolescents, always look on the bright side of life.
Domain: mentalSubdomain: stress management
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