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by Donald B. Ardell, Ph. D.
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Wellness in the Headlines
(Don's Report to the World)

A Self-Managing Approach to Anger

Monday February 5, 2001

Anger is "a signal, and one worth listening to" (Harriet Lerner). Besides basic control of this powerful emotion, how might an enthusiast for self-management like yourself deal with anger? What place, if any, is there for anger in the life of a truly effective person?

My sense is that anger is a part of our hardwired constitution. It is reinforced by many elements in the culture but, over time, can be overridden. Furthermore, the tendency for the expression of anger feelings ought to be overridden, to the extent possible. The proverb "he that is slow to anger is better than the mighty" makes sense to me, as does the one about "he that ruleth his spirit is mightier than he that taketh a city." After all, it's harder than ever to take a city these days, so why not focus on ruling your spirit instead?

While getting angry from time-to-time may be perfectly normal, it's not necessarily optimal. All self- management enthusiasts distrust normalcy, for many good reasons. After all, there is mediocrity in being average or "normal." For instance, it's normal to weigh more than is healthful, to work too much, to endure high stress levels, to put up with unexciting work, and live lives marked by excessive desperation, whether of the quiet kind (Thoreau) or, more often, the kind more akin to noisy misery. Never settle for normalcy just because others are steeped in it.

Anger is a terrible feeling, and it has nothing good going for it. Johanna Soyit said "anger makes us all stupid;" it certainly inspires many an irrational act. While developing an existence geared to lifestyle artistry, imperfections will always be a challenge, and suffering from the throes of anger is no exception. It WILL arise despite your best efforts but, as Phyllis Bottome suggests, "anger is like milk, it should not be kept too long." Anger keeps company and too easily trades places with fear, hatred, depression, and uncontrollable stress. Mignon Mclaughlin believed that "despair is anger with no place to go."

Anger, in summary, is more likely to lead to a heart attack than a DBRU equivalent. (If unfamiliar with the term "DBRU," suffice for now to note that it refers to a peaceful sense of well-being, a "best of times" moment of satisfaction.) Anger is never found in the company of the highly desirable states associated with artful self-management, such as joy, serenity, love, compassion, and enthusiasm.

Tomorrow I'll discuss dealing with anger from another perspective, that is, when it comes from others. Comments on this essay and all the ideas in these reports are always welcomed. Take care.

Domain: mental
Subdomain: stress management

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