don's report archive

by Donald B. Ardell, Ph. D.

Wellness in the Headlines
(Don's Report to the World)

It is now a week after the American people went to the polls to elect a new president--and we still don’t know whom we elected. Some people in Florida don’t even know for whom they voted; many who do wish they hadn’t!

The Democrats demand that democracy be saved by having recounts wherever they lost; the Republicans are insistent on preserving the Constitution by leaving things as they are—in every precinct they won. With court challenges and appeals, it could be time for ANOTHER presidential election before the Nation can settle on a winner of this one!

This means, in effect, that we elected Gore Vice-President, again—and figured a way to give Clinton another four-year term, despite that annoying amendment to the Constitution that prohibits more than two four-year terms.

Who will come forward to cut through this tangle of bitter rivalry and release us from the grip of this Gordian knot that binds our country in conflict and uncertainty? Why, I will, of course! Let me offer for your consideration a wellness-based, self-managing approach that can solve the presidential election mess to (nearly) everyone’s satisfaction.

To appreciate the wisdom, the equity, the justice and the virtue of my approach, consider for a moment the key elements of a wellness consciousness for dealing with life’s opportunities, as well as the vicissitudes that come your way. Those with a wellness perspective on life value personal responsibility, seek to be critical thinkers, view challenges whenever possible from a win/win orientation, favor minimizing stress in self and others, don’t look to the heavens for mystical solutions to human foibles, focus on finding meaning and purpose in their work and life, are willing and able to make personal sacrifices for the greater good and, not inconsequentially in this case, have a sense of humor! Knowing all that, you can now appreciate the merits of my wellness-based, self-managing approach for solving the presidential election mess to (nearly) everyone’s satisfaction.

Gore and Bush should take turns being President of the United States for the next four years; while one serves as President, the other can serve as Vice-President! Thus, it can be said that both won! This is a win/win solution!

Of course there are many details to sort out and sacrifices to be made. Lieberman will have to settle on being a senator again (he’s already been elected); Cheney can go back to Haliburton and make a few billion more for a few years—a good Republican can never sock away too much for a comfortable retirement. Gore and Bush can both live in the White House—it’s big enough for two people, even two who basically can’t get along. After all, Hillary and Bill lived there for eight years—if they can do it without having to call the police and issue restraining orders and such, Al and George W. ought to be able to work things out as they go along. There can, of course, have separate bedrooms and all that--I'm not suggesting anything kinky or un-American.

If Gore and Bush decide they don’t want to be vice-president for each other, then they can have their Lieberman and Cheney when it’s their turn to be president for a spell. This is not a critical part of my plan and, even if it were, I’m setting the tone here by being flexible. There are many advantages to my approach. The Congress is almost equally divided between members of the two major parties, so whoever is president is going to need good relations with Gore and Bush to get anything done. If both are president, one at a time for whatever periods they want to work out between them, they can double their effectiveness with this unruly group.

Most important, this solution is exactly what the people of this great nation voted for, that is, they showed by their evenly divided vote that they were unable to decide! There is no way to give them neither candidate, so the next best thing will be to give them both! One at a time. Finally, the solution will please all those special interests that paid so many hundreds of millions of dollars to influence the election. They will be thrilled with my plan, for in my approach they’ll all get a fine return on their investment in the two politicians.

(Note: This essay will be filed in the archives in the MEANING DOMAIN under the skill area of applied wellness. Additional articles related to this theme may be found there.)

(Ed. Note: Views expressed in this and other columns are those of the author and not necessarily those of the SeekWellness Editorial Board.)

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