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by Donald B. Ardell, Ph. D.
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Wellness in the Headlines
(Don's Report to the World)

The American Diet of the Future, Entomophagyism, is here now. Yum! (Satire)

Monday October 5, 2015

A recent New York Times essay suggests that we should all surrender, that there is no hope, that we are doomed. That is, food is going to kill us, whether we eschew animal proteins or not, whether we avoid high sugar or not, whether we moderate our intake of highly processed junk food products or not. It doesn't matter. Food will kill us before we cross the finish line of a more or less natural death. Food will keep us alive only long enough for the time needed before it kills us off, advises Jim Windily in an article entitled, "Why Everything Is Bad for You" (New York Times, September 22, 2015.) Unless, that is, we change our ways. We must stop eating animal proteins, fruits and veggies, whole grains—the lot of it.

"What' s left," you might want to ask?

I'm coming to that. Hold your horses, be patient.

Then again, maybe Mr. Windily was having us on. I don't know. However, his New York Times piece did have a lot of references supporting his dire warnings.

From reading the Times and similar articles over the years, it certainly seems likely that red meat is closely associated with stroke, cancer and heart disease. Mr. Windily also makes a good case (with supportive links) that:

Think you beat the system, that is, avoid gustatory ruin with fruits and vegetables? Ha! When commercially harvested, and almost fruits and veggies are, these common items are loaded with pesticides. Even if labelled organic, they're often no better. Also, almonds, the seed of trees native to the Middle East and South Asia which many consider the healthiest of food, is an environmental catastrophe. Shame on you if you buy almonds. Mr. Windily reports that an almond guzzles a gallon of water, including in drought stricken California.

Speaking of water, forget the advice about drinking eight glasses per day. Bad idea —too much water kill you, too.

Bottom line, according to Mr. Windily: "The very things that provide us with sustenance may be out to get us."

Is there a way to save ourselves? If we can't turn to veggies and fruits, whole grains, legumes and the like, what's left?

I'm glad you asked. Let me tell you about entomophagy. Yum.

A New Diet—for the Future-Oriented and Strong-Minded

CricketsThink dung beetles, caterpillars and locusts. That' s what Mr. Windily recommends, based upon new realities about food quality and future conditions documented in an exhaustive report from the United Nations. There will be little to no options about food choices when, thanks to the depredations of the animal agriculture industry, overpopulation and climate change, the foodstuffs most popular in developed countries will no longer be available. This might be just as well, given that they have been killing us.

Things might not be so bad in the era of entomophagy. Plentiful information is already available, as are tasty recipes that adhere to the new cuisine. Featuring tiny real creepy-crawly critter ingredients. I've seen a few recipes for dishes with truly cool names, like Earthworm Chow. This and other menu items are billed as low fat, high energy protein-rich treats. But first get over being squeamish and a fuddy duddy.

Bug treatsIn the new era, you won't want to overlook dirt. Did you know that there's a name for eating dirt? It's called geophagia. Turns out geophagia is rather widespread and relatively harmless—and may protect your body from toxins. Then again, I've not seen evidence that supports the idea that eating dirt is sensible for humans. Maybe you should (continue to) overlook dirt as a food source. I'm not ready to take an official position on this just yet, or to accept offers to appear in major commercials for dirt-based food products.

In any case, cheer up and start thinking about making the switch to foods that will save, not kill you. If you're squeamish about roaches and such things, well, get over it or die.


bugsThis article underscores the wisdom contained in my opus (written with Aussie Grant Donovan, Wellness Orgasms: The Fun Way to Live Well and Die Healthy. If only the world would come to our doorsteps, Earth would be heaven and we would be gods.

I, too, like Mr. Windily, grew up on the kind of sandwiches he described as his boyhood school lunch staple—white bread, bologna and cheese, with plenty of butter and mustard spread around. Well, at least on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays—my Mother left off the bologna on Friday to insure that I would not go to hell if run over by a bus after eating meat on Fridays.

So, considering all the above, my wife and I are making the big switch. We'll not succumb to hopelessness—we will transition immediately from veganism, which we thought was going to save us, to entomophagyism. I have the recipe for earthworm chow and, I must say, it looks kind of yummy, in a way. It's mostly dirt but seasoned generously with dung beetles, caterpillars, locusts and St. Petersburg bay snails.

Advise if you'd like the recipe. Let's all get behind entomophagyism and avoid the epidemic sure to come bringing death by food.

Signed Don Ardell

(Ed. Note: Views expressed in this and other columns are those of the author and not necessarily those of the SeekWellness Editorial Board.)

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