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Wellness in the Headlines
(Don's Report to the World)

A Wellness Take On Alabama - And The State's New Weight Loss Incentive Program
Sunday September 7, 2008

Current DR: September 7-9. Coming September 10: A Look Back At 9/11/2001 By A Wellness Infidel

I have had the pleasure of visiting Alabama on many occasions. I have gone there to deliver wellness talks, consult with companies (including Cooking Light Magazine) and compete in duathlons. My hosts, as well as the natives, have always been friendly and welcoming. Based solely on personal experience, I would struggle to find an unkind word to employ against Alabama.

However, I know things about Alabama that are unpleasant. Three factors can be cited that account for my low regard for the state, despite my own positive experience there. (Not that I think anyone in the Yellowhammer State would give a camellia or longleaf pine what I think of the place.)

The first is the highly dishonorable role Alabama played in opposing the civil rights of blacks during most of its history, particularly at the height of the civil rights movement. Do names like George Wallace, Eugene "Bull" Connor ring a bell?

The second is the person of the rabble-rousing former chief justice of the Alabama Supreme Court, Judge Roy Moore. Mr. Moore is best known as the judge removed from office for defiantly defending his own illegally placed, unconstitutional display of a garish Ten Commandments block statue on the courthouse steps in Birmingham. This upstanding native son recently made headlines once again, this time for condeming a Congressman named Keith Ellison, a Muslim, for taking the oath of office with his hand placed on a copy of the Qur'an, rather than the bible. I'm not making this up -- he did that. Personally, if I were given the opportunity to take an oath of office, I would symbolically rest my hand on a copy of the United States Constitution. Don't you think a public office holder ought to swear to defend the laws of the society? Why involve some holy book? The office holder is not pledging loyalty to some religion.

The third factor I'd cite to explain my low regard for Alabama is the fact that it allows goofy laws to remain on the books as real offenses. I'll cite a few.

It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
Dominoes may not be played on Sunday.
You may not drive barefooted.
It is illegal to maim oneself to escape duty.
It is illegal to impersonate a person of the clergy.
Masks may not be worn in public.
Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.
Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.
Bear wrestling matches are prohibited.
It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile.
Men may not spit in front of the opposite sex.
It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.
You must have windshield wipers on your car.
You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.

If I lived in Alabama, I'd be really ticked off to think that I could not have an ice cream cone in my back pocket, now and then. However, I'd be willing to give up my hilarious routine with the moustache in church.

But, despite these three factors, I must come to the defense of Alabama in the matter of state efforts to fight fat with a new, innovative screening program.

The media have had a field day suggesting state leaders are being unkind to fat employees. The facts have been misrepresented or exaggerated: The Alabama State Employees' Insurance Board created a policy that only requires (by 2011) overweight state workers (defined as a body mass index greater than 35) to pay a bit extra for health insurance if they do not get with a quite reasonable program.

The program is not so Draconian. Compared with the machinations of Governor Wallace, Bull Connor, Roy Moore and a host of dumb laws, the policy is nothing to get worked up about. In fact, it's a good thing. Why should the state, or any organization for that matter, not be encouraged to promote healthy lifestyles? A little negative as well as positive reinforcments seem acceptable to me. I mean, come on - nobody is being caned for obesity. A little fiscal pressure here, a little there -- this could be a good thing.

The Alabama screening program policy is gentle and considerate -- the overweight employee has a full year after testing as a tubby to lose a bit of the girth. In fact, he or she does not even HAVE to lose weight -- seeing a doctor, joining a wellness program or becoming fitter on his or her own will do the trick.

William Ashmore, the executive director of Alabama's State Employees' Insurance Board, says the media got it wrong. The goal is simply to get everyone screened. The state has been screening workers for 15 years. The most at-risk employees, about ten to fifteen percent of the work force, have not participated in past efforts and may not even be aware of the consequences of their poor lifestyles. Ashmore called the incentive aspect "a premium discount." (This reminds me of the observation by Christopher Burns in his book Deadly Decisions. When there was a sudden loud noise, a cloud of smoke and a big hole in the reactor wall, the nuclear engineers at Three Mile Island preferred referring to the event as a "prompt critical fission excursion.")

So, let's be kind to Alabama in general and to its people in particular, especially now that everyone has civil rights (well, at least Christians!) and the infamous sons Wallace, Connor and Moore are no longer around.

Be well, and always look on the bright side of life.

(Note: This essay will be filed in the archives in the MENTAL DOMAIN under the skill area of factual knowledge. Additional articles related to this theme may be found there.)

Current DR: September 7-9. Coming September 10: A Look Back At 9/11/2001 By A Wellness Infidel
(Ed. Note: Views expressed in this and other columns are those of the author and not necessarily those of the SeekWellness Editorial Board.)

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