by Don Ardell, PhD, Wellness Center Director
A really busy person never knows how much he weighs, wrote Edgar Watson Howe a century ago (Country Town Sayings) and the lesson is clear -- don't let this inconsequential matter distract you from concerns and issues of genuine merit.
A lady sent me an e-mail the other day lamenting her struggle with body image. She wrote, "What shall I do, Don? I'm almost 30 and, like all women (well, maybe there is ONE exception out there, somewhere, but I doubt it), I obsess about my weight. I don't like to exercise but I do it anyway to control my weight. People say I look great but I think I'm way too heavy, mainly because my dress size is greater than it was ten years ago -- and I work out more today!"
I did not recite the Howe remark, which I learned from a woman long ago when I myself whined about gaining weight during a brief period of inactivity caused by a running injury. Instead, I suggested that the first challenge was to develop a strategy for convincing herself she was doing great. Just saying it is so is usually not enough. The culture in which we live is deeply enmeshed in unrealistic body images, thus, a comprehensive strategy of reprogramming over time is needed for some people to convince themselves that their body is OK, even though (due to regular exercise and sound diet) it seems evident to others that it is OK or better than OK.
Can you find a way to convince yourself that you are doing OK, or even great? Based upon even the limited information provided in her question, the lady who wrote to me that I just quoted really is doing fine. Unfortunately, bodily self-assessment, particularly with females, is founded on other than reason, objective evidence, and rational inquiry. Tradition, peer pressure, and acculturation are among the factors that create heartfelt convictions often at odds with reality!
The problem of unrealistic body image plaguing women in our society is one of the more complex matters of cultural conditioning. It has no simple solution, at least not to my knowledge. It certainly cannot be cured with a few, or even many, well-chosen words, however sensible.
I told the good woman who wrote to me that she was on the right track. Specifically, she seemed to know that she was caught up in unrealistic, self-imposed demands to be as thin at thirty years of age as she was at twenty. Her challenge was to shift the focus from dress size and weight to fitness and wellness. It won't be easy to do that but I think she can, based in part on the wit displayed in her question and in part on her demonstrated interest in personal responsibility and other self-management skill areas.
We might all benefit, on occasions, from a quick review of the facts, obstacles, and futility of battling weight apart from the larger strategy of a life-long commitment to fitness and a healthy lifestyle.
Janet Waldman, in an article entitled "When Thin Is Too Thin: Women, Weight, and Body Image," observed that we live in a culture obsessed with food and weight, in a time period when curvy Marilyn Monroe and Kate Winslet are considered fat, and the stick figure of the moment is touted in movies and magazines. No wonder women have a problem shopping for size twelve when they want to be slipping into size two, if not zero!
Yes, I can imagine that anyone would have trouble getting into size zero!
Medical experts say that progesterone levels decrease before estrogen levels drop, and the former slows the metabolism of carbohydrates and increases water retention, which makes women feel puffier. Fortunately, guys have learned not to compliment a woman by telling her she looks puffy. This is not a good icebreaker or pickup line. The best thing, for women and men, is to focus on a healthy lifestyle, and think less or not at all of movie or magazine body images of ideal weight or size.
Fitness matters, self-management matters, but dress size does not.
Enjoy yourself, exercise hard and stay well.
(Ed. Note: Views expressed in this and other columns are those of the author and not necessarily those of the SeekWellness Editorial Board.)
Posted October 2002
